I have often found by experience, to say nothing of what I have read in several books, the great bene- fit a soul derives by not departing from obedience. In this, I consider our advancement in virtue to consist, as well as the acquisition of humility ; for obedience secures us from those fears, which while we mortals live it is fit we should have, lest we stray from the path to heaven. Herein is found that quiet, so much prized by souls desirous of serving God ; for if they truly resign themselves to this holy obedience, and subject their understanding to it, so as to have no other will but that of their con- fessor; and if they be Religious, that of their superior, the devil ceases to attack them with his continual scruples and vexations, finding he loses rather than gains. And besides, the turbulent motions of our minds, which delight in doing their own will, and even in subjecting reason, in things that please us, cease by obedience : and remember that we have deliberately surrendered our will to the will of God, choosing, as a means, to subject our- selves to one who holds his place.
Since, then, our Lord, in His goodness, hath given me the light to know the great treasure contained in this precious virtue, I have endeavoured to ac- quire it, though weakly and imperfectly ; and often the little virtue I see in me causes me uneasiness, because I know I have not fully accomplished some of the tilings enjoined me. May His divine Majesty supply whatever is defective, in this my present undertaking.
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PREFACE OF ST. TERESA.
While living in the monastery of St. Joseph at Avila, in the year 1562 (the same year in which that monastery was founded), I was commanded by Father Garcia, of Toledo, of the Order of St. Dominic, and who was then my confessor, to write the Foun- dation of that house, with several other things, which (if published) whoever reads them will know what they are. But being now at Salamanca, in the year 1573 (it is eleven years since I wrote the first Foundation), my present confessor, Father Ri- palda. Rector of the Society of Jesus, having read the book of the first Foundation, he thought it might conduce much to the honour of our Lord, if I wrote the Foundations of the other seven monas- teries, which, by the goodness of our Lord, have since been erected ; he accordingly commanded me to do so, and likewise to give an account of the commencement of the monasteries belonging to the Discalced Fathers of this First Rule. But as such an undertaking seemed to me impossible, on account of the many duties I had to attend to, and of the Letters I was obliged to write, as well as other im- portant business commanded me by my superiors, I was recommending myself to God, being somewhat troubled on account of my poor abilities and weak state of health (for even without this burden, I seemed unable to perform my other duties by reason of my natural imbecility), when our Lord said to me, “ Daughter, obedience gives strength.”* His Ma- jesty grant it may prove so, and may he give me grace worthily to relate, to His glory, the favours He hath bestowed on our Order in these Founda- tions. Be assured, that whatever I may say shall be said in all truth, without any exaggeration, agree- ably with what happened ; for in any matter, how- ever slight, I would not tell a lie for the whole world ; and therefore, in what I am now writing
* “ Hija, la obediencia da fuerzas.”
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(with the intention that our Lord may be praised therein), I shall be most scrupulous, believing it would be not only a loss of time, but using decep- tion in the things of God, to be otherwise ; for then, so far from honouring Him, I should rather offend Him, which would be high treason. May His Majesty ever protect me from doing such a thing.
I shall give each Foundation in its order, and be as short as 1 possibly can, for my style is so heavy, that I fear I shall — though unwillingly — both tire the reader and myself. However, through the love you bear me, my daughters, to whom, after my death, this book will be left, I hope you will tolerate it. God grant, that since in nothing I seek my own advantage, nor have any desire but His praise and glory (many things there are for which this tribute is due), whoever shall read these Foundations, let him not attribute any of them to me, for this would be against the truth ; but let him beseech our Lord, to pardon the little proficiency I have made under all those favours. Herein you, my daughters, have more reason to complain of me, than to thank me for what I have done in these Foundations. Let us all, therefore, my daughters, give thanks to the Divine Goodness — for so many favours which He hath bestowed upon me.
Having such a bad memory, I am afraid I shall leave out many things of importance, and mention other things which might be omitted; in a word, allowance must be made for my poor ability and dulness of comprehension, and likewise for the want of leisure to write such things.
I am also commanded, if an opportunity offer itself, to say something on prayer, and concerning the illusion in which some may live who practise it, and which may hinder them from advancing in per- fection. In everything I submit myself to what the Holy Roman Church, my Mother, teaches, being resolved, before the book comes into your hands, my
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PREFACE OF ST. TERESA.
Sisters and Daughters, to have it examined by learned and spiritual men. I begin, then, in the name of the Lord, taking to my help His glorious Mother, whose habit I wear, though unworthy of it ; and also my glorious Father and Patron St. Joseph, in whose house I now live, which is called from his name, and by whose prayers I have been continually assisted.
I request of my reader to say an “ Ave Maria” for me, to help me out of purgatory, and bring me to the possession of our Lord Jesus Christ, who, with the Father and the Holy Ghost, liveth and reigneth for ever. Amen.*
Teresa de Jesus.
An/no Domini 1573, the Feast of St. Lewis , i king of France.
* “En todo me sujeto h lo que tiene la Madre Santa Iglesia Romans* y con determinacion, que antes que venga d vuestras manos, Hermanos, e Hijas mias, lo venCn letrados y Personas espi-
rituales Una Ave Maria pido d quien esto ley ere, para que
sea ayuda d salir del Purgatorio, y llegar d vdr d Jesu Cliristo nuestro Seftor, que vive, y regna con el Padre y el Espiritu Santo por siempre jam^s. Amen.”
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CONTENTS
In chapter I, THE FOUNDATION OF MEDINA DEL CAMPO, page 1.
CHAPTER n.
HOW OUR FATHER GENERAL CAME TO AVILA, AND WHAT HAPPENED
UPON his coming, page 5.
CHAPTER m.
BY WHAT MEANS THE FOUNDING OF THE MONASTERY OF ST.
JOSEPH IN MEDINA DEL CAMPO BEGAN TO BE NEGOTIATED, page 9.
In chapter IV, ON CERTAIN FAVOURS WHICH THE LORD BESTOWED ON THE NUNS OF
THESE MONASTERIES, AND ON THE MANNER THE PRIORESSES SHOULD
CONDUCT THEMSELVES TOWARDS THE SISTERS, page 18.
CHAPTER V.
SOME DIRECTIONS CONCERNING PRAYER, page 22.
CHAPTER VI.
SHE SHOWS THE HARM THAT MAY HAPPEN TO SPIRITUAL PERSONS
BY THEIR NOT UNDERSTANDING WHEN THEY SHOULD RESIST THE
SPIRIT. SHE ALSO TREATS OF THE DESIRES A SOUL MAY HAVE TO
COMMUNICATE, AND OF THE DECEIT THERE MAY BE IN DOING SO.
OTHER IMPORTANT MATTERS ARE MENTIONED FOR THE GOVERN-
MENT of the houses, page 32.
CHAPTER Vn.
HOW THE PRIORESSES SHOULD CONDUCT THEMSELVES TOWARDS THOSE
WHO ARE MELANCHOLY, page 44.
CHAPTER VIII.
SOME DIRECTIONS ON REVELATIONS AND VISIONS, page 51.
CHAPTER EX.
THE FOUNDATION OF ST. JOSEPH’S MONASTERY AT MALAGON, page 5(5.
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CONTENTS,
CHAPTER X.
FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY OF VALLADOLID, page 58 .
CHAPTER XI.
SHE GIVES THE LIFE AND DEATH OF A NUN NAMED BEATRIZ OF THE
incarnation, page 61 .
In chapter XII, ON THE FOUNDATION OF THE FIRST HOUSE OF DISCALCEATE FRIARS,
page 67 .
CHAPTER XIII.
SHE CONTINUES THE HISTORY OF THE FOUNDATION OF THE FIRST
HOUSE OF DISCALCEATE CARMELITES. SHE TELLS SOMETHING
CONCERNING THE LIFE THEY LEAD, ETC., page 71 .
In chapter XIV, ON THE FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY OF THE GLORIOUS ST.
JOSEPH IN THE CITY OF TOLEDO, IN THE YEAR 1569 , page 76 .
CHAPTER XV.
SHE MENTIONS SOME THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN THIS MONASTERY
of st. Joseph’s in Toledo, page 85 .
In chapter XVI, ON THE FOUNDATION OF TWO MONASTERIES IN PASTRANA, BOTH FOR
FRIARS AND FOR NUNS, IN THE SAME YEAR, 1569 , page 89 .
CHAPTER XVII.
FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY AT SALAMANCA, page 97 .
CHAPTER XVIII.
CONTINUATION OF THE FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY IN SALA-
MANCA, page 105 .
CHAPTER XIX.
HISTORY OF THE FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY OF OUR LADY OF
THE ANNUNCIATION, IN THE YEAR 1571 , page 111 .
CHAPTER XX.
FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY OF ST. JOSEPH IN SEGOVIA, page 119 .
CHAPTER XXI.
FOUNDATION OF ST. JOSEPH’S MONASTERY IN VEAS, page 124 .
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CONTENTS.
CHAPTER XXII.
FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY IN SEVILLE, page 135.
In chapter XXIII, THE HISTORY OF THE CONVENT OF ST. JOSEPH’S IN SEVILLE IS
continued, page 142.
CHAPTER XXIV.
SHE CONTINUES THE HISTORY OF THE FOUNDATION OF ST. JOSEPH’S
MONASTERY IN SEVILLE, AND RELATES WHAT HAPPENED IN THEIR
own house, page 151.
CHAPTER XXV.
CONTINUATION OF THE FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY IN SEVILLE.
SHE RELATES SOME REMARKABLE THINGS CONNECTED WITH THE
FIRST NUN WHO ENTERED, page 157.
CHAPTER XXYI.
FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY OF CARAVACA, IN THE YEAR 1576,
page 165.
CHAPTER XXVII.
FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY OF VILLANUEVA DE LA KARA,
page 176.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY OF ST. JOSEPH IN PALENCIA, IN
the year 1580, page 197.
CHAPTER XXIX.
FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY OF SORIA, page 211.
CHAPTER XXX, ’
FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY IN BURGOS, page 218.
APPENDIX, page 247.
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BOOK OF THE FOUNDATIONS.
FOUNDATION OF MEDINA DEL CAMPO.
CHAPTER I.
I lived five years in the Convent of St. Joseph of Avila, after it was founded : and it appears to me now, that these were the most quiet years of my life, the tranquillity and calmness of which my soul has oftentimes longed for. About this time, some young ladies entered to take the habit, whom the world, to all appearance, had already held captives, if one might judge by their fine dress and frivolity ; but our Lord soon removed them from these vanities, by drawing them to His house, and endowing them with such great perfection, that I was much confused thereat. Their number amounted to thirteen, which I had determined not to exceed. I was much de- lighted in living among such pure and holy souls, for all their care was to serve and praise our Lord. His Divine Majesty sent us there everything necessary, without our asking ; and whenever we were in want (which was but seldom), their joy was the greater. I praised our Lord in seeing such heroic virtue, and especially their indifference about everything relating to the body. I, who was their superioress, never remember to have been troubled with any thought in this matter, because I firmly believed that our Lord would not be wanting to those who had no other wish — but how to please Him. And if sometimes
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there was not provision enough for all, upon my say- ing that those only who stood most in need should partake of it, each one considered herself not to he such, and thus the food remained till God sent suffi- cient for all.
With regard to the virtue of obedience — (which I value so much, though I knew not how to practise it till these servants of God taught me ; and if I pos- sessed any virtue, I should never be ignorant of it), I could mention many things which I here saw in them. One at present offers itself to me, which is this : Being one day in the refectory, a few cucum- bers were given to us at our meal ; a very small one, which was rotten inside, fell to my share. Appear- ing not to be aware of this, I called one of the sisters who had more judgment and talent than the others ; and to try her obedience, I told her to go and set the cucumber in a little garden that we had : she asked me whether she should plant it straight down or sideways : I said “ sideways,” and immediately she did so, without the thought once occurring that it was impossible to prevent it from decaying ; but her esteem for obedience so captivated her natural reason in the service of Christ, as to make her believe the thing was quite proper.
It once happened that I imposed on a sister six or seven different offices, which she undertook without saying a word, thinking it possible to perform them all. We had a well containing very bad water (according to the report of those who tried it), which I wished to have had conveyed by a pipe to our house, thinking that if once the wrfter could be made to flow, it might serve us for drink ; but this appeared to be impossible, as the well was very deep. However, I called in some skilful workmen, to see what they could do : but they laughed at me, as if I wished to throw money away. Thereupon, I asked the sisters what they thought of the matter ? One said, “ that the work should be attempted •” another said, “ Since our
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Lord gives us food, will He not give us some one to bring us water? It would be necessary for His Majesty to give it to us in our house, and thus He will not fail to do it.” Seeing the great faith and resolution with which she spoke, I considered the matter quite certain, and therefore, contrary to the wish of the person I employed (who knew what kind of water was in the well), I ordered the work to be done, and our Lord was pleased that we should obtain a current of water, good and sufficient for us to drink, and which we now possess. I do not con- sider this as a miracle, for I could relate many other things, but I only wish to show the great faith these sisters possessed, since the circumstance happened just as I have related it. And, moreover, it is not my chief intention to commend the nuns of this con- vent (all of whom, through the goodness of our Lord, continue to this day in the same way ; and to write on these and many other matters would occupy too much space, though not without profit, since those who may come after are often animated to imitate them) ; but if our Lord be pleased that these things should be known, the superiors may command the prioresses to publish them.
I lived then among these angelic souls, for such they appeared to me, because they concealed no im- perfection from me, however interior it might be ; and the favours, the ardent desires, and detachment from worldly things which our Lord gave them, were very great and numerous. Solitude was their joy, and they have accordingly assured me that they were never tired of being alone, and that it was quite a torment to them whenever any one, even their own brothers, came to see them : she who had the most time to remain in a little hermitage we had in the garden, esteemed herself the most happy. When I was considering the great value of these souls, and the courage which God gave them, beyond that of women, to suffer and to serve Him, I thought many
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times, that the riches with which our Lord endowed them were given for some great end : that , however, never came into my thoughts, which afterwards hap- pened ; for then it appeared to me a thing impossible, as I could see no grounds even to imagine what was to come ; and in the meanwhile, as time went on, my desires increased more and more, to be instrumental in doing some good to any souls. And thus it ap- peared as if my soul were bound, and often I seemed like one that had a great treasure to guard, and who was desirous that all should share in it ; and yet my hands seemed tied, so as to prevent me from dis- tributing it : thus my soul seemed bound, for the favours which God bestowed on me in these years were very great, anfl all appeared to be ill bestowed upon me. But I endeavoured to please the Lord, with my poor prayers, and always laboured with the sisters that they might do the same, and be jealous for the good of souls, and for the extension of the Church : and whoever conversed with them were always edified; this helped to satisfy my great desires.
After four years, or it may be a little more, a Religious of the Order of St. Francis came to see me : his name was Fray Alfonso Maldonado, a great servant of God, having the same desires as myself for the good of souls ; but he was able to accomplish them, for which I envied him extremely. As he had not long come from India, he began to tell me how many millions of souls were lost there, for want of instruction, and he gave us a sermon on the subject, exhorting us to do penance, and then departed. I became so distressed at the loss of so many souls that I could not contain myself : and I went to one of our hermitages, and there, with many tears, cried to our Lord, beseeching Him to give me the means whereby I might be able to gain some souls to His service, since the devil carried away so many, and that my prayers might be of some avail, for I was good
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for nothing more myself. I envied those greatly, who for the love of God were able to spend themselves in this work, though they should suffer a thousand deaths ; and thus it happens, that when we read in the Lives of the Saints, how they converted souls, this excites within me more devotion, more tender- ness and envy, than all the martyrdoms they suffered ; and this is a feeling our Lord has given me, thus showing me that He values one soul which we gain through His mercy by our prayers more than all the services we can do Him. One night, while I was in prayer (with this great pain), our Lord presented Him- self to me in the manner He was accustomed ; and • showing me much affection, as if He wished to con- sole me. He said : — “ Wait a little, daughter, and thou shalt see great things.”* These words remained so fixed in my heart, that I could not drive them from me; and though I could not conjecture, nor see any ground to imagine what they meant, though I thought much on the matter ; yet I was greatly consoled, and felt certain the words would become true, but by what means never entered ray imagination, and thus another year passed, and what afterwards happened, I shall now relate.
CHAPTER II.
HOW OUR FATHER GENERAL CAME TO AVILA, AND WHAT
HAPPENED UPON HIS COMING.
Our Generals always reside in Rome, and none of them was ever known to come into Spain, so that for any one to come now, seemed a thing impossible ; but as whatever our Lord wills is sure to be done, His Majesty ordered that to happen now which
* “ Espera un poco, liija, y ver&s grandes cosas.”
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never happened before. When I heard of his arrival, I appeared to be much troubled, because (as I related when speaking of the foundation of the convent of St. Joseph) that house was not subject to the Order, and therefore I feared two things : one, that he would be displeased with me, for not knowing how matters were going on — he had just reason; the other, that he would command me to return to the monastery of the Incarnation, where the rule is mitigated; this would have been a great afflic- tion to me for many reasons which I need not now mention : one was, that I could not there observe the rules in their primitive rigour, and also because the number of Religious was above a hundred and fifty, and I knew that where there are few, there more quiet and conformity are to be found. But our Lord directed this matter better than I imagined, and as the General was a holy servant of His, and very prudent and learned, he saw it was a good undertaking ; for the rest, he was not severe in any way to me ; his name was Father John Baptist Rossi, of Ravenna, a person much esteemed in the Order, and deservedly so. Having arrived at Avila, I prevailed on him to visit St. Joseph's, and the bishop wished that the same atten- tion should be paid to him as to his own person. I gave him an account of the foundation with all truth and simplicity, because it is my desire thus to act with my superiors, come what may, since they stand in the place of God: the same I do with my confessors, for if I did not, I think there would be no security for my soul. And thus I gave him an account of the monastery, and also of my whole life, though it has been so wicked. He consoled me greatly, and assured me he would not command me to re- move hence. He was very pleased to see our way of living, which was an imperfect image of our Order at its commencement, and how the primitive rule was observed in all its rigour, which was not the
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case in any other monastery of the whole Order. As he had a great desire that this beginning should go forward, he gave me several letters patent for the erection of more monasteries, with an injunction that none of the provincials should prevent me. These letters I did not ask of him, since he knew my manner of proceeding in prayer, and the great desire I had to be the means of enabling souls to approach nearer to God. But these means I pro- cured not from him ; rather it appeared to me mad- ness, because I well knew that a worthless woman* like myself, and without any power, could do nothing. But when these desires come into the soul, it is not in her power to reject them ; but through her love to please God, and her confidence in Him, His Divine Majesty makes that possible, which to natural reason is not so. Thus when I saw the great desire our very reverend Father General had, that more monasteries should be founded, it seemed as if I saw them already established ; and remembering the words our Lord had spoken to me, I now perceived some beginning of that which before I could not understand. But when our Father General was about to return to Rome, I was very much grieved ; for, having shown me the greatest affection and favour, I had a high regard for him, and appeared to be very desolate at his departure. As often as he was disengaged he came to treat on spiritual things with us, being one on whom our Lord had bestowed great favours, and on this account it was a great comfort for us to hear him.
Before he departed, the Lord Bishop Don Alvarez de Mendoza, who loved much to assist all those who he saw endeavoured to serve God with greater perfection, procured from him a license, to erect in his diocese some monasteries of barefooted friars of the first rule; others also made the same request.
* “ Mugercilla,” a diminutive of “ Muger.”
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The Father General was desirous of effecting this object; but as he found there was some opposition to it in the Order, he deferred it for the present, lest he might cause some disturbance in the province. A few days after, when I considered how necessary it was that, if I erected convents for nuns, there should also be some monasteries for men observing the same rule; and seeing how few there were in this province, after having earnestly recommended the matter to our Lord, I wrote a letter to our Father General en- treating him as well as I could to be favourable, and giving him reasons to prove what great honour would result therefrom to God; and at the same time showing that the inconveniences which might happen were not sufficient to give up so good a work : I likewise placed before him the honour our Blessed Lady would derive from it, to whom he was exceed- ingly devout. She it was who must have advanced this cjbject ; for the Father General having received my sister when he was at Valencia, sent me from thence a license to found two monasteries, thus showing how he desired to advance the greater per- fection of the Order. And that there might be no opposition, he referred the matter to the provincial who was then in office, as well as to the preceding one (a thing very difficult to obtain) ; but as I saw the principal point was gained, I had great hopes that our Lord would do the rest, and so it happened, for by the kindness of the Lord Bishop, who ma- naged the business as if it were his own affair, both the provincials gave their consent.
Being now very much consoled by having obtained the license, I was the more troubled because there were no friars in the province that I could hear of, to begin the work, nor any secular willing to make a beginning : in this difficulty I could do nothing but beseech our Lord, that He would be pleased to raise up one person at least. I had neither house, nor means to purchase one. Behold here a poor bare-
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footed nun, without the support of any one hut our Lord, furnished with plenty of letters and good de- sires, without any possibility of putting them in execution. But neither my courage nor confidence failed me; for when I considered that our Lord, haying granted one thing, would certainly grant the other, then everything appeared to me possible, and so I began to set to work. O greatness of God, how dost Thou show thy power by giving courage to such an ant !* And, O my Lord ! what great things wouldst Thou not do for those who love Thee, but our cowardice and fears are in the way, because we never resolve but when full of a thousand apprehensions and human considerations! And thus,0 my God ! Thou display est not thy wonders and greatness ! Who is more dis- posed to give, were there any to receive ? Who more willing to accept our services at our own charge, than Thou ? May it be that I have done your Majesty some service, and not rather have the greater account to give for all that I have received.
CHAPTER III.
BY WHAT MEANS THE FOUNDING OF THE MONASTERY OF ST.
JOSEPH IN MEDINA DEL CAMPO BEGAN TO BE NEGOTIATED.
Being then full of all these cares, it came into my mind to make use of the assistance of the Fathers of the Society,f who were very much esteemed in Medina, and with whom (as I have mentioned in the first Foundation) I have for many years treated on the concerns of my soul ; and for the great good I received, I have always had a particular attachment and reverence for them. I wrote, as our Father
* " O grandeza de Dios ! oomo mostrais vuestro poder en ddr osadia d una hormiga !” &c. f The Jesuits.
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General had commanded me, to the rector of this place, who happened to be my confessor for many years (as I have before mentioned), and is now the provincial : his name is Baltasar Alvarez. He and all the rest said they would do what they could in this matter ; and much they did, accordingly, in procuring a license from the magistrates and from the bishop ; and as the monastery was to be founded in poverty, this is a difficult point in every place : thus many days were spent in negotiating the matter. For this purpose, a priest went to Medina, who was a zealous servant of God, greatly disengaged from all things of the world, and much given to prayer : he was chap- lain in the monastery where I lived, and one to whom our Lord gave the same desires as He gave to myself : and thus he assisted me greatly, as will be seen further on : his name was Julian D' Avila.
Now, though I had a license, I had no house, nor a farthing to buy one ; and how could a poor stranger, as I was, procure credit or trust on nothing, had not our Lord assisted us ? He so ordered, that a very virtuous lady, for whom there had been no room for admission into St. Joseph's convent, hear- ing that another house was to be erected, should come to me, and desire to be admitted into this. She had some money, but very little, and it was not sufficient to purchase a house, but only to hire one, and to help to pay the expenses of the journey. And so we hired one ; and without any other assistance but this, we departed from Avila, two nuns of St. Joseph's and myself, with four of the Incarnation (in which convent the rule is mitigated, and there I lived before St. Joseph's was founded), together with our father chaplain, Julian D' Avila.
When the matter was known in the city, there was great murmuring : some said I was a fool ; others that they waited the result of such madness. The bishop also thought it a very foolish undertaking, as he told me afterwards, although then he did not tell
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me so ; for he did not wish to hinder me, because, having a great regard for me, he would not give me any uneasiness. My friends also spoke enough to me on the matter, but I took little notice of what they said, because that which they considered very doubtful, appeared to me so easy, that I could not be persuaded it would prove a failure.
Before we left Avila, I wrote to a father of our Order, named Fray Antonio de Heredia, to buy me a house : at that time he was prior of a monastery of friars belonging to our Order there, called St. Anne’s. He treated on the matter with a lady, who esteemed him much; but the house she had was quite in decay, save one apartment, which was in a good state. This lady was so kind, that she promised to sell it to him ; and so they made the bargain, without her requiring security of him, or anything else beyond his word: and if she had insisted on security, we should have had no remedy. But it was our Lord who was disposing everything for us. The walls of this house were so decayed, that we hired another on this account while they were being repaired, for there was much to be done. Thus, coming the first day’s journey to Arevalo late at night, fatigued with the bad accommodation we had, on my entering the town I met a priest, a friend of ours, who had procured a lodging for us in a house that belonged to certain devout women. He told me in private that we could not have the house which had been hired for us, because it stood near a monastery of the Augustinians, and they greatly opposed our entrance there, and that therefore we should be forced to have a lawsuit about the matter. O my God ! when Thou, O Lord, art pleased to inspire us with courage, how powerless are all contradic- tions !* But I was the more animated and encou- raged by the consideration, that as the devil began
* “ 0 valame Dios I quando vos, Seflor, quereis dar animo, qud poco hacen todas las contradiciones !” &c.
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to raise disturbances and difficulties, this was a sign that our Lord would be served in this monastery. However, I desired our friend to say nothing, in order not to disturb my companions, especially the two nuns of the Incarnation ; as to the rest, I knew they would endure any trouble for my sake. One of these was the sub-prioress of that monastery, and both of them were of good families; and because they came with me against the wish of their rela- tions, they were greatly opposed to their departure, for all considered the undertaking to be very foolish. Afterwards I saw they had reason enough to think so. But when our Lord is pleased that I should found one of these monasteries, my mind appears to me incapable of admitting any thought sufficiently strongto induce me to lay aside the undertaking till the thing be done : then all the difficulties present them- selves together before me, as will be seen afterwards.
When we arrived at our lodgings, I learnt that there was in the place a friar of the Order of St. Dominic, a great servant of God, and who had been my confessor all the time I lived at St. Joseph's ; and as in that Foundation I spoke much of his virtue, I will here mention only his name, which is Fray Domingo .Banez : he is a person of great learning and prudence; by his guidance I directed myself; and now what I was about to undertake did not appear, to his judgment, so difficult a matter as it seemed to others, because the more we know of God, the more easy do His works seem. All things ap- peared to him very possible, on hearing of certain favours God had done for me, and on account of what he had seen himself in the Foundation of St. Joseph's. He gave me great consolation, whenever I saw him, because by his advice I believed every- thing would succeed well. As soon as he came to us, I told him very privately all that had passed. His opinion was, that we might soon settle the business of the Augustinians : but to me, all delay was a
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tedious matter, not knowing what to do with so many nuns; and thus we all passed the night in trouble, for the affair was soon told to every one in the house. •
Early in the morning Father Antonio de Heredia came to us, and told us that the house he had agreed to purchase was sufficient, and that it had a hall which we could convert into a little church, by adorning it with pieces of tapestry. This we resolved upon ; at least, I thought it would do very well, for the more haste we made, so much the better it would be for us, considering we were out of our con- vent ; and as there was also some opposition to be feared, having learnt a lesson from the first Founda- tion, I was therefore very anxious possession should be taken before the matter became known. We resolved accordingly to take possession, and to this Father Domingo Banez likewise consented. #
We arrived at Medina del Campo on the eve of Assumption of our Lady,* about midnight ; and to avoid all noise, we alighted at St. Anne's convent, and thence we went on foot to our house.f It was a great mercy of God, that at such an hour we met no one, though then was the time when the bulls were about to be shut up, that were to run the next day. I have no recollection of anything, on account of the terror and amazement we were in. But our Lord, who takes care of those who desire to please Him, preserved us ; for we truly had no other object in view but His glory in this matter. Having come to the house, we entered into a court, the walls of which seemed much decayed, but not so much as afterwards, when it was daylight, for then we could see better. It seemed to me, that our Lord was pleased this good father should be so blind, as not to perceive there was no proper place there for the most Blessed Sacrament to remain. When I saw
* Nuestra Seflora de Ag<5sto.
f This House was founded in the year 1567.
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the hall, I perceived there was much rubbish to be removed, and that the walls were not plastered : the night was far advanced, and we had brought only a few hangings (three, I think), which were nothing for the whole length of the hall : I knew not what was to be done, for I saw that was no proper place to erect the altar. Our Lord was, however, pleased the thing should be done immediately, for the steward of the lady had in the house several pieces of tapestry which belonged to her, and also a piece of blue damask, and she had told him to give us whatever we wanted, which was very kind of her.
When I saw such good furniture, I praised our Lord, and so also did the other nuns. But we knew not what to do for nails, and that was not the time to buy them ,• we began, however, to search for some on the walls, and at length with difficulty we pro- cured gbundanee : then some of the men commenced putting up the tapestry, while we swept the floor ; and we made such great haste, that when it was day- light, the altar was ready, a bell was put up, and immediately mass was said. This was sufficient to take possession; but we did not stop here, till we had the most Blessed Sacrament placed in the taber- nacle, and through the chinks of a door that was opposite the altar, we heard mass, having no other place. With this I was quite content, because to me it was the greatest joy and comfort, to behold one church more in which the most Blessed Sacrament was placed. But my joy lasted only a little while ; for when mass was over, I chanced to look out into the court from a window, and saw all the wall in many places quite in ruins, to repair which required many days. O my God ! when I beheld thy Divine Majesty exposed in the streets, at so dan- gerous a period as we now live in, on account of these Lutherans, what sorrow and dismay came to my heart. And to these were joined all the diffi- culties which those might raise, who before had
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greatly opposed me; and I saw clearly they had much reason in doing so. It now seemed to me impossible to go on with what I had commenced ; for ad, formerly, all things appeared to be so easy, con- sidering that they were done for God, so now the temptation had such power, that I thought I never had received any favour from God : my own base- ness and weakness were alone present to me : relying therefore on so miserable a support, what good suc- cess could I hope for? Were I alone, I think I could have managed better ; but the thought of my companions turning back again to their house, after all the opposition they met with when they left, this seemed to me very hard. I also imagined, that having erred in the beginning, all that I had under- stood our Lord would do had no foundation ; and a fear came on me immediately, lest what I had heard in prayer might be a delusion ; and this was not a less, but a greater, source of trouble and un- easiness, because I began to be extremely fearful lest the devil had deceived me.
O ! my God, what a sight is it to behold a soul, which Thou art pleased to leave in such pain ! Truly, when I remember this and other afflictions which I suffered during these Foundations, it appears to me that no account is to be made of bodily pains, though I have endured very severe ones. But notwithstand- ing all this grief which so much oppressed me, I did not in any way reveal it to my companions, because I did not wish to afflict them more than they were already. In this trouble I passed a great part of the evening, till the rector of the Society sent a father to visit me, and he animated and consoled me exceed- ingly. I did not tell him all my sorrows, but only that which I felt in seeing ourselves in the street. I began to speak to him about hiring a house for us (cost what it might), wherein we might dwell till the other was repaired. I now began to take courage on beholding so many people come to us, and no one
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accused us of folly, which was a mercy of God ; for had they reflected on our situation, they would have done quite right to take away the most Blessed Sacrament from us. Then I considered my own stupidity, and the little care all the others had, in not consuming it : but I thought if that were done, all was undone.
In spite of all the diligence used in seeking a house, none could be found to let in the whole town, and this gave me great trouble night and day, because though I had appointed men to watch and guard the most Blessed Sacrament, yet I was fearful lest they might fall asleep ; and so I arose in the night myself to guard it at a window, and by the clear light of the moon, I could see it from that spot very plainly. All these days a great multitude came to see us, and not only were they not displeased, but their devotion increased the more, to see our Lord again in a stable; and His Majesty (who is never weary of humbling Himself for our sake) appeared unwilling to remove thence. About eight days after, a merchant, seeing our necessity, and living himself in a very good house, told us we might have the upper part of it, where we could dwell as in a house of our own. He also had a very large hall, with a gilded roof, and this he gave us for a church : and a lady that lived near the house we had bought, whose name was Dona Helena de Quiroga, a great servant of God, told us she would help us, that so a chapel might immediately be prepared, in which the most Blessed Sacrament could be placed; and likewise 'that she would so accommodate us, that we could live in enclosure. Other persons also liberally con- tributed alms towards our support; but this lady assisted us the most. And on this account I began to feel more quiet and rest, because where we now were we had perfect enclosure, and began to recite our office. In fitting up the house, the good prior took much pains and made great haste : but with all
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his labour, it cost him two months; still he repaired it so well, that we could conveniently have lived there several years; and since then our Lord has gone on improving it.
While I was here, I was very desirous of having monasteries of religious men ; but not having one to commence with (as I already mentioned), I knew not what to do. At last I resolved to treat very privately with the prior above mentioned, to see what he would advise me to do ; and so I did. He was exceedingly glad, when he heard of my intentions, and promised that he himself would be the first : but when I heard this, I thought he was in jest, and so I told him, because though he was always a good Religious, recollected, and studious, and a lover of his cell ; yet I did not think he was a fit person to commence such an undertaking, and that he had sufficient strength and spirit to bear the rigour and severity requisite for such a life, for he was very delicate, and not accustomed to any austerities. But he assured me it was otherwise with him, and he certified to me that some time ago our Lord had called him to a stricter life, and also that he had determined to become a Carthusian, and the fathers had told him they would receive him. With all this, however, I was not quite satisfied, though I was glad to hear it ; and I entreated him to w ait some time, and exercise himself in those things he would have to perform under a vow. He did so for a year, and during this period so many troubles and false accusations happened to him, that made it appear our Lord wished to try him. But he bore all so well, and advanced so much in perfection, that I praised our Lord for it, because I thought our Lord was thus disposing him for this undertaking. A little after, a father happened to come here, who was a young man and had been studying at Salamanca, and he came with another person as a companion. He told me great things concerning the life which
c
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this Religious led, whose name was Fray Juan de la Cruz.* I gave thanks to our^ Lord. In speaking with this Religious, I derived great satisfaction, and learnt from him that he also was desirous of entering the Carthusian Order. I immediately acquainted him with my design, and earnestly entreated him to wait till our Lord gave us a convent, representing to him the great good it would produce (if he wished to make reforms), to commence the work in his own Order, and how much better he would thereby serve our Lord. He promised me he would do so, if the business did not prove too tedious. When I now saw I had two Religious to commence the work with, it seemed to me as if the matter was already accomplished, although I was not entirely satisfied with the prior ; and thus some delay was caused, as well as by our not having any place to commence the monastery. The nuns continued to gain credit with the people, who took much pleasure in them, and I think with reason ; because all had but one object, which was, how each could best serve our Lord. In every respect, they observed the same rules that are kept in the convent of St. Joseph's at Avila : the constitutions also are the same. Our Lord began to call some of the sisters to take the habit ; and the favours He granted them were so great, that I was astonished thereat. May He be for ever blessed. Amen ; for He seeks nothing else but to be loved, that so He may love us.
CHAPTER IY.
ON CERTAIN FAVOURS WHICH THE LORD BESTOWED ON THE NUNS OF
THESE MONASTERIES, AND ON THE MANNER THE PRIORESSES SHOULD
CONDUCT THEMSELVES TOWARDS THE SISTERS.
Before I proceed further, I think it proper (as I know not how long our Lord may spare my life, or
* St. J ohn of the Cross. (See his life in Alban Butler.)
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whether I shall have more leisure, for at present I have but little) to give some directions whereby the prioresses may be enabled to judge of and to conduct those souls committed to them to greater perfection, though not with so much pleasure to themselves. I should observe that when I was commanded to write these “ Foundations,” omitting the first of St. Joseph of Avila, which I wrote immediately, there were already founded (by God's blessing) seven other monasteries, including that of Alva de Tormes, which was the last of them ; and the reason why no more were founded was, that my superiors employed me in another business, as hereafter will be seen. But considering what happened, for some years, in these monasteries relating to spiritual things, I see the ne- cessity there is of saying what I now wish to mention. May it please our Lord, that I may properly treat this matter, conformably to what I see so necessary.
And since what I am about to speak upon are no illusions, our minds must not therefore be terrified, because (as I have said elsewhere in some little rules* I wrote for the sisters), as long as we live in obedience and with a pure conscience, our Lord never permits the devil so far to prevail, as to deceive us in any way prejudicial to our soul ; rather does it hap- pen that he himself is often deceived; and as he knows this, I believe he does not so much produce this evil in us, as our own perverse inclinations and bad humours (especially if these be melancholy), because women are naturally weak, and our self-love that reigns in us is very subtile : hence, many per- sons have come to me — both men and women — besides the nuns of these monasteries, who I clearly perceived were often themselves deceived, though against their will. \ I firmly believe that the devil is accustomed to meddle in such matters on purpose to deceive us; but of the great numbers whom, by
* Literally, “ En algunas cosillas.” c 2
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(rod's goodness, I have seen, I did not observe that our Lord abandoned them : perhaps He wished to exercise them by these fears, that so they might gain more experience.
The duties concerning prayer and perfection are so forgotten in the world (on account of our sins), that I consider it necessary to declare my sentiments in this manner : for if men, even without seeing any danger, are afraid to walk this way, what would it be, if they were told there was some danger ? It is - true, however, that in everything there is some dan-: ger ; and therefore, as long as we live, we should in all things walk in fear, and beseech our Lord to. teach us the right way, and not forsake us. But (as i I believe I once said) if sometimes we are permitted to fear, can those fear who strive earnestly to think of God, and endeavour to become more and more perfect ? O, my Lord ! as we see that Thou often de- liverest us from dangers into which we wilfully throw ourselves, even to offend Thee, shall we believe that Thy Majesty will not free us, when we have no other object or desire but to please Thee, and entertain ourselves with Thee? This I can never suppose. It might indeed happen, that God by certain secret judgments may permit some things to fall out in one way, and others in a different way, but never did he draw evil out of good. And thus we should hereby be excited to walk faster on our road to perfection, that so we may please our Spouse: and find Him the sooner ; but this should not make us weary ; rather it should animate us to walk with fortitude over the rough passes* of this life, and not be terrified with our journey, since in the end, by walking with humility we shall, through God's mercy, arrive at the city of the heavenly Jerusalem, where all that we have endured in this life will appear little or nothing, in comparison with the glory we shall possess.
* “ Caminos de puertos.”
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As now these little dove-cots of the Blessed Virgin our Lady began to fill, so His Divine Majesty began also to show His greatness in these poor, weak women, though strong in good desires and in a dis- engagement from every creature ; and this it is that tends most to unite a soul with her Creator, especi- ally if we walk with a pure conscience. There is no need to prove this point, for if the disengagement be real and sincere, it seems to me impossible to offend God. And as all their discourses and meditations relate to him, so His Majesty appears unwilling to depart from them. This is what I now see, and speak of with truth. Let those fear who shall come after us and read these words : and if they see not what we now see, let them not ascribe it to the times, for at all times God is ever ready to bestow good favours upon those who serve him in earnest, and endeavour to discover and correct whatever im- perfection there may be in them.
I have sometimes heard it said concerning the beginnings of Religious Orders, that because they were beginnings, our Lord bestowed greater favours on those saints who preceded us. And so indeed it is : but we should consider that we also are founda- » tions for those who come after us ; and if we who are now living had not fallen away from the fervour of our predecessors, and if those who succeed us should not do the like, the building would always continue firm and immoveable. What good do I gain, that the saints before me were so perfect, if I who have come after them continue so wicked, leaving the edifice quite ruined and destroyed by my evil habits ? For it is evident, that they who come after us do not so much regard those who have long passed away, as they do those whom they see present . The excuse we make in not belonging to the first beginnings is quite ridiculous, for we consider not the difference there is between our life and virtue, and the life of those saints on whom God bestowed
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such great favours. O my God ! what false excuses and what manifest cheats are these ! lam grieved,
0 my God! for being so wicked, and for having done so little in Thy service. But I know well, the fault lies entirely on my side, that Thou bestow not on me those favours which Thou showed to my predecessors ; my life confounds me, O Lord, when
1 compare it with theirs, and I cannot speak of it without tears. I see I have lost that which they earnestly laboured for, and in no way can I com- plain of Thee ; it is not good that any should com- plain ; but if they should see their Order failing in anything, let them endeavour to become such stones in it as may be serviceable in repairing the building, and our Lord will keep them therein.
But to return to my subject (for I have digressed much) , the favours which our Lord bestows in these Houses are very great, for he conducts them all by means of meditation, and some have attained perfect contemplation, while others have advanced so far as to have raptures; and on several more our Lord bestows favours of another kind, giving them in addition revelations and visions, which it is quite * evident do come from God. There is now no House in which may not be found one, or two, or three such favoured souls. I am well aware that sanctity does not consist in visions, &c. : but it is not my in- tention solely to praise these nuns, but to make it appear that the remarks I have wished to make are not without a purpose.
CHAPTER V.
SOME DIRECTIONS CONCERNING PRATER.
It is not my intention nor wish, that what I shall now say should be considered so true and just,* as
* Literally, “ Serk tan acertado,” &c.
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to be taken for an infallible rule, for it would be quite foolish to do this in matters so difficult. But as there are many paths in this road of the Spirit,* I may perhaps say something to the point concerning some of them; and if they who walk not in this path understand me not. it may be that they walk in another way. Buf if I benefit no one, may our Lord accept my good-will, since He knows that although I have not experienced all this myself, I have observed it in other souls.
And first of all I wish to show (according to my poor capacity), in what consists the nature of perfect prayer. For I have met with some, who seem to imagine the whole matter to consist in thinking ; and if they can keep their mind fixed on God, th6ugh by using great violence to themselves, they immediately consider themselves to be spiritual persons ; and if (being unable to continue thinking any longer) they should be obliged to turn their mind to anything else, even to things good and meritorious, they im- mediately become greatly afflicted, and fancy they are lost. Persons who are well instructed will not have such ignorant fancies (though I have met with such) ; but as for us women, it is proper we should be instructed concerning everything. I admit that it is a favour of our Lord, to be able always to keep our thoughts fixed on Him, and to be meditating on His works, and it is good to endeavour to do this : but we must remember that all minds are not naturally fit for such an exercise : but to love, all souls are fit. In another place I have mentioned the causes of this inconstancy of our imagination, but I think I did not mention all, for this would be im- possible, but only some of them. At present, there- fore, I do not treat of these, but only wish it to be understood, that the soul is not the thinking, nor the willing, though it be fit the soul should regulate
* “ Muchos caminos en esta via del espiritu,” &c.
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herself by them, otherwise sad would be her lot, as I said above : hence the proficiency of the soul consists, not in much thinking, but in much loving. And if you ask me how this love must be acquired, I answer, by resolving to do the Divine Will, and to suffer for God, and in effect doing so, when occasion shall offer.
It is quite true, that by thinking on what we owe to God ; who He is, and who we are, the soul gradu- ally acquires a determined will, which brings great merit, and for beginners is very excellent and useful : but this is to be understood only when nothing comes to interfere with obedience, and the welfare of our neighbour, to which charity binds us : for in such points relating to either of these two duties, we must find time to leave that which we desire so much to give to God, viz. (in our opinion), being alone medi- tating on Him, and rejoicing in the caresses He bestows on us. To leave these delights for any of the two objects above mentioned, is to please Him and to do what He himself has spoken of with His own mouth : — “ Amen, I say to you, as long as you did it to one of these my least brethren, you did it to me." (St. (Matthew xxv. 40).) And as regards obedience, He wishes us to walk in no other way. Whoever, therefore, loves Him, let him follow our Lord, for He “ became obedient even unto death." If then this be true, whence proceed that disgust which we frequently find in us, when for a great part of the day we have not been retired and absorbed in. God, although we were engaged in these other things ? In my opinion, it proceeds from two causes. (1) . The first and principal one is, our own “ self- love,” which in a very subtile manner mixes itself up with our actions, and therefore cannot easily be dis- covered ; and this self-love consists in wishing to please ourselves rather than God, for it is quite clear, that when a soul has once begun to taste “how sweet" is the Lord, she finds greater pleasure in her
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body being free from labour, and her heart being delighted by Divine caresses. O! the charity of those who truly love their Lord, and know their own condition! How little rest do they take, if they can be of any use in advancing the welfare of one soul, and increasing her love of God ; or if they can give her any comfort, or free her from any danger ! How little do such souls look to their own individual comfort ! And when they can do no good by their works, they endeavour to do something by their prayers, importuning our Lord in behalf of those numerous souls whom they grieve to see in danger of eternal destruction; and thus bewailing their lot, they lose all their own pleasure, and consider it as quite lost, because they pay no regard to their own happiness, but consider only how they may best accomplish the will of God. And thus it is with obedience : it would be a strange thing, if when God should clearly tell us to do something which regarded Him, we should not do it, but stand gazing upon Him, because we thus pleased ourselves the most ! This would indeed be a curious advancement in the love of God : it would be binding His hands, under the idea that there was but one way in which He could make us advance.
Omitting what I myself have experienced (as I have said), I know many persons with whom I have spoken, who have instructed me in this truth, when I was in great trouble for having so little leisure ; and thus I pitied them to see them always occupied in business and in other matters, which obedience commanded ; and I thought within myself (as I told them), that it was impossible, amidst such confusion and disturbance,* to increase in virtue. / O Lord, how different are Thy ways from our ideas ! And what dost Thou require of a soul, who is already de- termined to love Thee, and give herself entirely into
* Literally, “ Barahunda,” hurly-burly.
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Thy hands, but that she should obey and inform herself of what tends most to Thy service, and this desire and nothing more ? She has no need to seek out new paths, nor to choose between them, for her will is now Thy will. Thou, O my Lord, takest upon Thyself the care of conducting her where she shall advance the most. And though the superior may not take: the trouble of guiding her in the way most advantageous to her, but employs her only in those duties which he thinks tend most to the good of the community, yet, Thou, O my God ! dost conduct her, disposing her and all her employments in such a manner, that (without her understanding how) she finds herself advancing in spirit with great profit, obeying with fidelity every command, so that after- wards she is astonished thereat. Such an one was that person, with whom I spoke a few days since, who by obedience had for fifteen years been so engaged in his; duties and offices, that during all this period he did not remember to have had one day for himself, although he endeavoured (as far as best he could) to devote some spare time in the day to prayer, and the purifying of his conscience. This soul was the most inclined to obedience that I ever saw, and he even imprints this virtue on all with whom he converses. Our Lord has liberally rewarded him, for (without his knowing how) he enjoys that liberty of soul so highly valuable, which the perfect possess, and in which consists all the happiness that can be hoped for in this life ; for, deserving nothing, he possesses all things. Such souls neither fear, nor covet anything on earth ; afflictions do not dis- turb them, nor pleasures elate them ; in fine, nothing can rob them of their peace, since it depends on God alone ; and since nothing can take God away from them, the fear of losing Him can alone disturb them. Everything else in the world is in their eyes as if it were not, because it neither gives nor takes away their joy. O happy obedience ! Happy distraction ! which
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can procure us so much good. But this is not the only person whom I have known : there are many others whom I have known in like manner, though I have not seen them for several years. And when I asked them in what employments they had passed their time, I found they were entirely occupied in works of obedience and charity. On the other hand, I perceived such an improvement in them in spiritual things, that I was astonished. Oh then, my daughters, let there be no neglect : but when obedience calls you to exterior employments (as, for example, into kitchen, amidst the pots and dishes), remember that our Lord goes along with you, to help you both in your interior and exterior duties,
I remember a Religious once told me, that he had determined within himself always to do whatever his superior should command him, no matter what trou- ble it gave him. One day it happened that being quite spent with labour, and not able to stand on his legs, he wished to rest himself, for it was evening. When he had sat down, his superior came and found him, and bade him take a spade, and go dig in the garden. The good man said nothing, though so completely exhausted that he could do nothing : he took his spade, however, and as he was going into the garden by a certain passage (which I saw many years after this was related to me, when I founded a house in the very town) our Lord appeared to him with His cross on His shoulders, and so faint and weary as to make him understand, that what he then suffered was nothing in comparison with what his Saviour endured.
( I believe that as the devil knows well there is no path which conducts us sooner to the highest per- fection than that of obedience, it is for this reason he tries to raise so many disgusts and difficul- ties under the appearance of good •) and let this truth be marked well, and men will clearly see I speak the truth. It is manifest, that the highest perfection
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does not consist in interior delights, nor in sublime raptures, nor in visions, nor in having the gift of prophecy, but in making our will so conformable with the will of God, that whatever we know He shall desire, that also we shall desire with our whole affec- tion ; and we shall receive what is bitter as joyfully as what is sweet and pleasant, remembering that such is the will of His Divine Majesty. This appears a most difficult thing, not so much to do it, as to take pleasure in that which is directly opposed to our natural inclinations : that such is the case is quite true : but love (if it be perfect) is so powerful, that we forget our own pleasure in order to please Him whom our soul loves. But most certain it is, that however great our labours may be, when we know that thereby we please God, they become sweet to us. And in this manner those who have arrived at such perfection love persecutions, and disgrace, and injuries.
This truth is so certain and so clear, that there is no necessity to dwell on it. I particularly wish it to be understood, that the reason why obedience (in my opinion) is so quick and so sure a means of arriving at so happy a state, is this, that as we are by no means masters of our own will, so as purely and sincerely to devote it all to God, and to subject it to reason, obedience is the shortest and most efficacious means of doing so. To hope to subject it by sound arguments is never to come to a conclusion, and is a path broad and dangerous withal : for our nature and self-love invent so many reasons, that we should never attain this state of obedience, and often what our reason considers the best, that appears to us foolish on account of the little pleasure we feel in doing it. ) I have so much to say on this subject, that I should never end with speaking of this interior conflict, and of all the excuses the devil, the world, and our own sensuality raise, to induce us to deviate from our reason. What then is the remedy ? It is
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this : just as an umpire is chosen in a very doubtful law-suit, and the parties, tired with going to law, place the matter in his hands (“ and abide by his decision”) so the soul chooses a person, either her superior or confessor, with the determination to have nothing to do with law-suits, nor to think more of her cause, but to rely upon the words of our Lord, who has said, “ He that hears you, hears me,” and not to heed her own will. Our Lord values this submission so much, that by exercising our- selves therein a few times, and disengaging ourselves from self-love (though this cost us a thousand con- flicts, which appear to us ridiculous, as we are judges in our own cause), we arrive by this painful exercise, to conform our will with what we are com- manded; but with or without pain, we at length do it ; and our Lord helps us so much on his side, that because we subject our will and reason to others for His sake. He makes us masters of our wilL Then (being masters of ourselves) we are enabled with perfect freedom to direct it entirely to God, giving him a sincere will, that He may unite it with His, and beseeching Him that the fire of his love may descend from Heaven and consume the sacri- fice, we on our own part avoiding all that may dis- please Him, and then there is no more to be done bv us, having (though after many labours) placed our will on the altar, and as far as lies in us, not suffering it to be defiled by the earth.
It is evident no one can give w r liat he has not, but he must first have it himself : believe me, then, that to acquire this treasure, there is no better way than to dig and labour for it in the mine of obedi- ence ; and the more we shall dig, the more we shall find, and the more w r e subject ourselves to men (having no other will but that of our superiors) , the more we shall be masters of our w T ill, to conform it
* I have inserted these words, in order to make the comparison more cleat. — T.
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to that of God. See, sisters, if our leaving the delights of solitude be not well rewarded ! I tell you, that for want of it, you will not fail to dispose yourselves for obtaining this true union above men- tioned, which is to make our will one with God's will. This is the will I desire and wish to see in you all, and not raptures, however sweet they may be, to which the name of union has been given, and such it may be if accompanied by what I have spoken of ; but if there be little obedience after this rapture and our own will remains, this will be united with self-love (in my opinion) and not with the will of God : may His Divine Majesty be pleased that I may practise what I understand.
The second cause of this disgust is, I think, the following : that as in solitude there are less opportu- nities of offending God, though some can never be wanting (considering how the devil and ourselves are in every place), the soul seems to advance with more purity, and (if she be afraid of offending Him) it is indeed a very great comfort to have no stum- bling-blocks in our way. And certainly this appears to me a stronger reason not to desire to speak with any one, than to enjoy great consolations and delights from God. But here it is, my daughters, that your love must appear, not in comers, but in the midst of occasions : and believe me, that though there may be more imperfections (and even some slight faults), yet our gain is beyond all comparison greater. Kemember, however, that I always speak under the supposition we perform those duties by obedience and charity : and when these do not bind us, I always maintain that solitude is better, and that we may desire it even though engaged in the duties I have mentioned. Indeed, this desire is continually found in those souls who sincerely love God. I say then it is a gain to us, because those occasions make us understand who we are, and how far we have advanced in virtue. A person who
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is always in solitude (however holy he may appear to be) knows not if he possess patience and humility, nor has he any means of knowing this. In the same manner, how can a man know if he be very courage- ous, unless he has been in a battle? St. Peter thought himself very brave, but you know what he was when temptation came, though he rose again after his fall, confiding on no account in himself, but ever after putting all his trust in God : after- wards he suffered the martyrdom we read of. O ! my God, would that we knew the greatness of our misery ! In everything there is danger, if we only could perceive it, but we do not, and on this account there is great advantage in our being commanded to do things, because we then see our own baseness. One day spent in humility and in a knowledge of our- selves, I consider to be a greater favour of our Lord (though it cost us many afflictions and labours) than many days spent in prayer : and this the more so, be- cause a true lover loves everywhere, and always is thinking of his beloved. It would be hard if our prayers could only be made in comers, and I already see there will not be many hours left thus to be spent : but, O my Lord ! how powerful with Thee is one sigh coming from the bottom of an afflicted heart, when we see that it is not enough for us to live in this land of exile, but that we also want the opportunity of being in solitude, so as to be able to enjoy Thee. ' Here it appears that we are His slaves, willingly sold (by His love) to the virtue of obedience, since for it we in a manner forego the enjoyment of God himself : and all this is nothing, if we consider that He, through obedience, descended from the bosom of His Father, and made himself our slave ! With what then can this favour be repaid ? We must proceed with caution, and in no way neglect our- selves so far in these duties (done by obedience and charity) — as not frequently to think of God in our interior. And, believe me, it is not length of
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time* which makes a soul advance in prayer, but when being called to other works by obedience and charity, they do these duties well, then (as I have said) the soul advances so much, that in a very short time she is better prepared for enkindling within her the love of God, than (wanting these works) she would be by spending many hours in me- ditation. All must come from his hand : may He be blessed for ever and ever.
CHAPTER VI.
SHE SHOWS THE HARM THAT MAY HAPPEN TO SPIRITUAL PERSONS
BY THEIR NOT UNDERSTANDING WHEN THEY SHOULD RESIST THE
SPIRIT. SHE ALSO TREATS OF THE DESIRES A SOUL MAY HAVE
TO COMMUNICATE, AND OF THE DECEIT THERE MAY BE IN DOING
SO. OTHER IMPORTANT MATTERS ARE MENTIONED FOR THE GO-
VERNMENT OF THE HOUSES.
I have endeavoured with diligence to understand whence proceeds that great abstraction of mind which I have seen in some persons, to whom our Lord gave many delights in prayer, and who are not slothful in disposing themselves to receive such favours. I do not here treat of the manner in which a soul is suspended and rapt by the Divine Majesty, for in another place I have written much on this matter ; and besides, in such cases, much need not be said, because, if the rapture be true and real , we can do nothing ourselves, however much we may resist ; and I should remark, that the violence which prevents us from being masters of ourselves lasts but a short time. But it often happens that there begins a prayer of Quiet, f in the manner of a spiri- tual sleep, which suspends the soul in such a way,
* “No es el largo tiempo.”
f “Una oracion de quietude This is the second degree of prayer (treated by St. Teresa in her “ Life ”), in which the powers of the soul are recollected, but not absorbed in God. — T.
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that, unless we know how to proceed therein, much time may be lost, and our strength wasted, through our own fault, and with little merit. I should be glad to know how to make myself understood on this subject ; but, being so difficult, I know not if I shall succeed : but I am certain, that would those souls believe me who walk in this delusion, they might understand me.
I have known some persons who were thus rapt for seven or eight hours, and these were indivi- duals of great virtue, and everything seemed to them to be a rapture; and any holy exercise so influenced them, that they were immediately out of themselves, thinking it would be wrong to resist our Lord ; and thus, by little and little, they might have died, or become foolish, if no remedy had been applied. What I know in this case is, that when our Lord begins to caress a soul (and our % nature is fond of delights), she is so engaged with this pleasure, that she neither desires to stir, nor to lose it on any account. And to speak the truth, it is more delicious than any pleasures of the world ; aind this takes place in a weak nature or understand- ing ; or, to speak more correctly, when the imagina- tion is not changeable, but, seizing on a subject, dwells upon it, without wandering from it, as is the case with many people, who, as soon as they begin to think on something (though not upon God), or looking upon something, without reflecting on what they see, remain absorbed : these are persons of a quiet nature, who through inadvertence seem to forget what they are going to say. Now, the same thing happens here, according to our weak nature or constitution ; and if the persons should be of a melancholy disposition, it will discover to them a thousand pleasant fancies.
Of this disposition I will speak a little later ; but though there should be no melancholy, what I have mentioned still takes place; and even in persons
D
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worn out with mortifications, for (as I have said) love beginning to give them sensible delights, they allow themselves to be carried away too much by them; and, in my opinion, they would love much better , if they did not thus suffer themselves to be caressed, for in this degree of prayer they may very well resist. For as when the constitution is weak, a fainting is perceived which does not allow us to speak or move, so it is the same here, if no resistance be made, because the strength of the soul, if nature be weak, overcomes and subjects it.
Some one may ask me, what is the difference be- tween this suspension of the soul and a rapture ? It is the same, at least in appearance, and they have reason for their opinion ; but it is not so in reality. For, a rapture, or union of all the powers, lasts but a short time (as I have said), and leaves great effects and an interior light in the soul, with many other great benefits : the understanding does nothing, but # our Lord it is who works in the will. But in the other case it is quite different: for although the body be seized, yet the will, the memory, and the understanding are not, but all perform their func- tions, though irregularly, and perhaps without stay- ing long on one thing : here the difference will be discovered.
As to myself, I found no benefit whatever in this painful weakness of the body, except that it had a good beginning : it is more useful to employ this time well, than to continue so long absorbed. Much more may be gained by complying with duties commanded by obedience; by not weakening our- selves, and making ourselves unable to obey, than by allowing ourselves to be carried away by an abstrac- tion, which shortens our life, and does not suffer us to obey. I therefore advise the prioresses to use all possible diligence in removing these long faintings, which (in my opinion) serve no other purpose but to give an opportunity to the intellect and senses to
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neglect what the soul commands them; and thus they deprive her of the benefits which are accustomed to be gained, by obedience and carefulness in pleasing God.
If the prioresses discover that this arises from weakness, they should forbid the fasts and disciplines (I speak of those only which are not obligatory, and at times it may happen that even these may be dis- pensed with without blame), and give them some employments to divert their mind. And even should they not have these fainting fits (if they keep the imagination well employed, even on very sublime points of prayer), still this will be necessary; for it often happens that they are not masters of them- selves, and especially if they have received from our Lord some extraordinary favour, or have seen some vision, the soul remains affected in such a manner, that she imagines she is always seeing a vision ; and it is not so, for she saw it only once. Whoever finds herself possessed with this abstraction for many days, should endeavour to change her meditation, or direct it to some other object ; for, as it regards the things of God, there is (as I have before said) no incon- venience in either dwelling on one point, or choosing another ; and God is often as much pleased by our considering His creatures, and the wisdom and power He has shown in creating them, as in our thinking of Himself the Creator.
O deplorable misery of man ! who by sin art so corrupt, that even in what is good we have need of rule and measure, in order that we run no risk of losing our salvation. And indeed it behoves many persons, especially if they have weak heads or a strong imagination, to understand that thus they serve our Lord better ; and when any one sees that if she represent to her imagination some mystery of the passion, or the glory of heaven, or any other similar subject, and that she cannot (though she desire) think on anything else, nor free herself from d 2
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this abstraction, then let her remember to direct herself to something else as well as she can ; for if not, the time will come when she will understand the loss, and experience that it arises from what I said above, viz., either from a great weakness of body, or from the imagination, which is still worse. For as an idiot, when he thinks on anything, is not master of himself, nor can he withdraw his mind, or think of something else, and no reasoning can move him to do so, because he is not master of his reason ; so it may happen here, although it be a pleasing madness. But what if the person happens to be of a melancholy disposition? It may do her a great deal of harm. I cannot understand what good it will be, for the reasons above mentioned ; and this the more so, as the soul is capable of enjoying God Himself; and as He is also infinite, the soul seems captive by being tied to the consideration of only one of His perfections or mysteries, whereas, as there are so many, the more she considers His works, the more would she discover His perfections.
I say not that in one hour, or in one day, you should think of many things, for this would be per- haps to enjoy more will : but the subjects are so nice and subtle, that I would not have you suppose what I never intended to say, nor mistake one thing for another. Indeed, it is so important you should understand this chapter well, that (although I have digressed in writing it) I am not sorry for it ; and I should be glad if those who do not understand it well at first would often read it over, especially the prioresses and mistresses of novices, who have to instruct the sisters in prayer. For they will see (unless they proceed with care in the beginning) that it will take a long time afterwards to remedy such infirmities.
Were I to give an account of the great harm which I myself have known has arisen from this cause, you
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would see what powerful reasons I have to insist so much on this point. One instance I wish to relate, and from this the rest may be inferred. In one of our monasteries there lived two nuns; one was a choir nun, and the other a lay sister. Both were versed in the highest degree of prayer, which was united with mortification, humility, and other vir- tues ; and also they received many caresses from our Lord, to whom He communicated sublime ideas of His greatness; and especially they were so disen- gaged from earth, and so taken up with His love, that they seemed not to be wanting in corresponding (according to our lowliness) with all these favours our Lord showed them — (though we endeavoured much to try them in various ways) . I have spoken thus of their virtue, in order that others may fear who do not possess it. Certain violent impulses and desires of enjoying our Lord began to seize them, and these they were not able to overcome: they were, however, satisfied a little when the sisters received the holy communion, and hence they asked their confessor’s leave to communicate often ; and so much did their pain increase, that if they did not communicate every day , they imagined they should die.
The confessors, beholding these souls filled with such ardent desires (and one of the confessors was a very spiritual man), judged this to be a remedy for their malady. But the matter did not rest here, for one of the sisters had such ardent desires, that it was necessary to communicate her every morning, in order (as she imagined) to keep life in her ; for these were persons that would not, on any account, make a false pretence, nor tell a lie for the whole world. I was not there at the time, but the prioress sent me an account of what passed, saying she knew not how to act with them, and that such and such individuals told her this remedy should be used, since there was
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no other. I soon perceived what the matter was, for it was God's will I should : I said nothing, however, till I came myself, for I feared I might be deceived ; and it was reasonable that he who approved the act should not be contradicted, till I gave my reasons against it.
One of the confessors was so humble, that as soon as I arrived, and spoke with him on the subject, he believed me. The other was not so spiritual a man, and indeed, in comparison with the former, nothing, so that I was quite unable to persuade him ; but I did not trouble myself much about him, not having the same obligations towards him as to the other. I now began to reason with the sisters, and to offer many weighty (according to my judgment) argu- ments, sufficient to make them understand it was only an “ imagination ” to think they would die if they did not communicate. But they were so deeply persuaded they were right, that no reasoning did, or could, persuade them of the contrary. I saw all that I said was useless, and therefore I told them, that I myself had the like desires, and yet would not com- municate, in order they might believe that they also should do the same, unless when the rest communi- cated. I also told them, that if we were to die, all three of us should die ; for I considered this better than to introduce the like practice into these houses, where lived persons who loved God as much as they did, and desired to do as much for Him.
But the mischief produced by this custom was so great (the devil likewise meddling in the matter), that when they did not communicate, they really thought they should die. I showed great severity towards them, for the more I saw they would not subject themselves to obedience (since, in their judgment, they could not act otherwise), the more clearly I was convinced that it was a temptation. The first day they passed with great difficulty, the next with a little less, and thus by little and little
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their pain abated, insomuch so, that, although I com- municated through obedience (otherwise I should not have done so, seeing them so weak), they were very content. A short time after, they and all the others were convinced it was a temptation ; and it was well a remedy was found ; for, not long after- wards some troubles with the superiors happened in that house, though not by their fault (and I may a little further on say something of this matter), for they would not approve nor suffer such prac- tices.
O ! how many like examples could I relate ! But I will mention only one (it did not happen in a con- vent of our Order, but in one of St. Bernard’s) . There lived in it a nun (very virtuous she was also), who used many disciplines and fasted much, and hence she became so weak, that every time she communicated, or had occasion to inflame her heart with devotion, she immediately fell on the ground, and remained thus for eight or nine hours, she herself and every one else supposing it to be a rapture. This happened so often, that if a remedy had not been applied, I believe she would have suffered much harm. The report of these raptures spread through all the town ; I was sorry to hear of it, for God wished me to un- derstand what was in reality the case, and I feared what it might come to. Her confessor, who was a father well known to me, came and related the matter to me. I gave him my opinion, and told him it was weakness and loss of time, and had no appearance of a rapture, and I begged him to prohibit her dis- ciplines and fasting, and make her do something to divert her mind; She obeyed him in everything ; and gradually recovering her strength, she had no more raptures : but if it had been a true rapture, no remedy would have been sufficient, until it was God’s will. For so great is the power of the Spirit, that our strength is not sufficient to resist (as I have said), and He leaves great effects in the soul, as
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well as a lassitude* in the body; but not so this other.
We may then conclude, from what I have said, that we should suspect whatever subjects us in such a manner, that we perceive our reason is not less free, for by this way liberty of spirit will never be gained, since one of its properties is, to find God in all things, and to be able to meditate on them ; all the rest is a subjection of the spirit, and besides the harm the body receives, it binds the soul and pre- vents her growth. And as when we are travelling along a road, we fall into a quagmire and cannot get out of it, so is it in some respect with the soul, which in order to advance onwards, has need not only to walk, but also to fly. O ! what a delusion is it when they say, or when they imagine, that they walk absorbed in the Divinity, and cannot assist themselves, and so far are they transported, that there is no means of diverting them! And this happens very often. Let them beware, I advise them again and again : for one day, or for four or eight days, there is not much to fear, since it is not to be wondered, if weak nature should continue in this state for a few days; but if it j* exceed this period, then some remedy is necessary. The pith of these remarks is, that there is no fault, nor sin, nor cessation of merit, but there are those inconveniences I have mentioned : and much greater are they with regard to the Holy Communion, when a soul which loves is not subject (even in this matter) either to her confessor or the prioress, and though solitude afflicts her.
It is requisite in this also as well as in other matters, to mortify them and give them to understand, that it is better for them not to do their own will, than to seek their own consolation. Herein our own self-
* “Cans&icio,” weariness, lassitude.
f That is, the supposed rapture. — T.
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love may also interfere, for it happened to me that as soon as I had communicated (though the species still remained entire), if I saw any others commu- nicate, I then wished not to have received, that I might receive again; and as this happened very often, I afterwards perceived (for then there seemed to be nothing which could correct me), that this arose more from my own pleasure than from the love of God ; because when we receive the Holy Communion, we feel in some respect a certain tenderness and pleasure ; and these it was which attracted me. If I had approached for the possession of God, I had Him already in my soul ; if to fulfil the commands of my superiors, who require me to approach the Holy Communion, I had done it already ; if for the recep- tion of the graces which are given in the Most Blessed Sacrament, I had received them already. At length I clearly understood, that I was not to desire communicating again, in order merely to have that sensible delight.
I remember that in a certain place where I lived, and in which there was a convent of ours, I knew a woman who was a very great servant of God, accord- ing to the belief of all the people; and she must indeed have been such, for she communicated every day ; she had, however, no particular confessor, but sometimes went to one church, and sometimes to another, to communicate. I remarked this, and would have preferred to see her obedient to one person, rather than communicate so often. She lived in a house by herself, doing (as I thought) what she liked : but as she was good and virtuous, all that she did was good. I spoke to her several times, but she paid no regard to me, and with reason, for she was much better than I ; yet in this matter I thought I was not mistaken. St. Peter of Alcantara happened to come there, and I induced him to speak to her : but I was not satisfied with the account he gave me of her, though I ought to have been, were
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we not such miserable creatures that we are never satisfied except with those who think the same as we do. For I believe this woman served our Lord better, and did more penance in one year than I did in many years. She became dangerously ill, and used all diligence in having mass said every day in her house, and being communicated. But as her sickness continued some time, the priest, a great servant of God, and who often said mass for her, thought it improper she should be communicated every day in her house. Accordingly, one day, after mass, as he would not communicate her, tins made her very peevish and so angry with the priest, that he came and told me the whole affair, and was greatly scandalized thereat (this must therefore have been a temptation of the devil, for it happened on the day she died).
I was exceedingly troubled when I heard of this matter, for I think she died immediately, and I know not whether or no she made her peace with God. From this event I came to know the great evil which befalls us, by doing our own will in anything, and especially in so important a matter. For he that approaches his Lord so often ought to be sensible of his own unworthiness in such a manner as not to approach by his own choice ; but what is wanting to him for receiving so great a Lord, which must indeed be much, the virtue of obedience may supply, which commands him to approach. Here a good opportunity offered itself to this good woman, of humbling herself (and perhaps she would have merited more than by communicating), and of under- standing how the priest was no way in fault, but our Lord (seeing her misery and unworthiness) so or- dained it.
Another person acted differently, who was fre- quently not allowed by her confessors to receive, because she received too often; and although she felt this privation very tenderly, yet considering, on
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the other hand, God's honour more than her own pleasure, she did nothing but praise God for having raised up a confessor who would take care of her, that His Divine Majesty might not enter into so mean a lodging; and by these considerations she obeyed with great peace of soul, though with a tender and amorous pain; but she would not for the whole world have acted contrary to what she had been commanded.
Let them believe me, that by this love of God (I say that it is such only in our own opinion) — which moves the passions in such a manner as to lead us into some offence against him, or which disturbs the peace of the enamoured soul to such a degree that she hears not reason, then it is clear that by such a love we seek ourselves ; and the devil will not desist from attacking us, when he thinks he can do us most harm, just as he did to this woman. And that accident terrified me much ; not, however, because she would not believe me, for I do not consider this would be sufficient cause to endanger her salvation, since the goodness of God is exceeding great, but because the temptation came at a dangerous time. I give this account here, in order that the prioresses may be on their guard, and that the sisters may fear, consider, and examine themselves on the manner in which they approach to receive so great a favour. If to please God, let them know that He is more pleased with obedience than with sacrifice ; and if so, and the merit be greater, what can disturb us? I do not say they should be without some humiliating pain, because all do not arrive at such great perfection as to experience no pain, and to do only that which pleases God the most. But if the will be entirely estranged from all self-interest, it will clearly feel no pain ; rather will it rejoice to have an opportunity of pleasing our Lord, in a matter which costs it so dearly; and it will humble itself and be content with a spiritual communion. But because in the
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beginnings it is a favour which our Lord shows them in giving them ardent desires of approaching Him (it is so in the end also, but I say, "in the begin- nings,” because then they are to be esteemed more) ; and because in other things relating to perfection (mentioned before) they are not so strong, it is wisely allowed them to feel some pain and tender- ness when they are deprived of the Holy Com- munion, and yet this is united with calmness of mind and acts of humility. But when it is attended with altercation and passion, and they are discon- tented with the prioress or confessor, let them believe it to be a manifest temptation : but if any one resolved to communicate (though her confessor told her not), I would not wish to have the merit arising from such a communion, for in such matters we must not be our own judges : he that holds the keys to bind and to loose must be the judge. May our Lord be pleased to give us light to understand subjects so important; and may his assistance be not wanting, that so we may never, from the favours He shows us, take occasion to offend Him.
CHAPTER VII.
HOW THE PRIORESSES SHOULD CONDUCT THEMSELVES TOWARDS
THOSE WHO ARE MELANCHOLY.
These my Sisters of St. Joseph’s at Salamanca, where I am now writing, have entreated me to give some instructions how the prioresses should treat those who are of a melancholy disposition ; for in spite of all the diligence used not to admit such persons, the humour is so subtle that it feigns itself dead, and thus we do not discover it till no remedy is of any use. I think I have said something on
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this subject in a little book* I wrote, though I do not remember what. Much will not be lost if I say something here, and may our Lord be pleased that I may say something to the purpose; and though I have spoken on the matter in another place, I would repeat it a hundred times over, if I thought I could hit upon something that would prove useful.
The artifices which this humour seeks out in order to do its own will are so many, that it is necessary to trace them to be able to bear with such persons, and to govern them, without suffering them to do harm to others.
We must observe that those who are troubled with melancholy, are not all equally to be blamed ; for when it appears in a person of a mild and humble disposition, although they may be trouble- some to themselves, they do no injury to others, especially if they possess a good understanding, and also according as they are more or less possessed with this humour. I certainly believe the devil uses it, in some persons, as a means of gaining them ; and if they do not proceed with great care, he will attain his object, for the aim of this humour is to subject the reason, which thereby becomes obscured. With such a disposition, then, what will not our passions do? Where there is no reason, persons must be fools : but that these should esteem them- selves and be considered as reasonable beings, when in reality they have no reason, this is an intolerable evil. Those indeed who are really affected with this disposition are to be pitied, since they do no harm : if there be any way to keep them in subjec- tion, it is fear.
With regard to those in whom this pernicious evil has only begun to appear (for though it is not so deeply rooted, it comes from the same root and stock), when
* “ The Way of Perfection,” written while the Saint was prioress of St. Joseph’s at Avila, in 1564.
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other means are of no avail, then the same remedy must be used, and the superioresses should make use of the “ penances ” of the Order, and endeavour so to subdue them as to make them understand they are not in any way to have their own will. For if they once perceive that their clamours and passion have sometimes prevailed (which the devil excites in them to drive them to perdition), they are ruined ; and only one such is quite sufficient to disturb a whole monastery. For as the poor individual has of herself no strength to defend her from the tempta- tions of the devil, it is requisite that the superioress should proceed with the greatest care in governing her, not only in her exterior, but also in the in- terior; for the reason which is obscured in the infirm person ought to be clear in -the superioress, lest the devil should begin to captivate that soul, using this evil as his instrument ; and when it comes at certain times, it is very dangerous, for then the humour oppresses the soul to such a degree, that the reason is destroyed, though in such a case there is no fault, as there is none in idiots, whatever extra- vagances they may commit. But those who are not so, and though their reason may be weak, have nevertheless some use of it, and at other times are well, these should not be allowed to use their liberty at the times when they are not well, that afterwards, when they are well, they may not be their own masters, for the artifices of the devil are terrible. Hence (if we consider the matter well), their principal object is to do their own will, to say all that comes into their head, and to notice the faults of others, so as to conceal their own, and to indulge themselves in everything which gives them pleasure. In a word, since they have nothing within capable of making them resist, because their passions are unmortified, and each one wishes to have her own way, what will be the consequence, if there be no one to keep them in subjection? I say again (for I have seen
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and have had to manage many persons afflicted with this evil), that there is no other remedy but to overcome them by every possible means. If words are not sufficient, let punishments be used ; and if slight punishments be not sufficient, let greater be employed : if keeping them a month in prison be of no avail, let them be kept four, for we cannot do their souls a greater service. For (as I have said," and now I repeat it again, since it is of great impor- tance that we understand it), though they may not overcome them at once or after several times, yet, as their madness is not a confirmed disorder, so as to free them from fault (though it is so sometimes, yet it is not so always), that must be done which I have already mentioned ; for if not, the soul remains in perfect danger, unless (as I say) reason be so far gone, as to force them to do what they do or say, because they cannot act otherwise. It is a great mercy of God to those who are afflicted with this evil, to be subject to a superior; because in this consists all their good, for avoiding the danger I have spoken of. And if any one shall read these words, let her consider, for the love of God, whether perhaps they may not relate to her salvation.
I know some persons who are very near entirely losing their judgment, and yet they have souls so humble, and so full of divine love, that although they dissolve into tears within themselves, yet they do nothing but what is commanded them, and bear their infirmity as others do, though this is a greater martyrdom ; but greater glory is gained thereby, and their purgatory is gone through here, to escape it hereafter. But I say it again, that those who will not do this willingly should be forced to do it by the superiors ; and let them not deceive themselves by a foolish pity, lest all come to be disturbed by their extravagancies. But there is another very great evil which may arise from the same person, besides the danger I have mentioned, which is this, — when the
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superiors see her good (as they think), not under- standing the effect this evil has upon the interior, our nature is so miserable, that every one will appear to them melancholy, that so they may bear with her ; and indeed the devil will also make them believe so, and thus he will come and make such havoc, as when known it will be difficult to remedy. This is of such importance, that in no manner must there be any negligence ; for if she who is melancholy resist the superior, let her suffer for it as one who is well, and be not spared in anything ; t if she shall say an ill word to her sister, let the same be done, and so in all other like cases.
It may seem an act of injustice to correct one who is sick (if she cannot help it), as it would be to do so to a person who is well, and has the use of her reason. It would be the same to bind mad persons, and to beat them : what then must be done ? Are they to be allowed to kill every one they meet ? Let the prioresses believe me, for I have tried and used (according to my ability) many remedies, and yet have found no other. And the prioress who through pity shall allow such to take liberties, will in the end not be able to bear them ; and when she thinks to remedy the evil, it will have done great harm to others. And if mad men are bound and punished, in order that they may not kill others — which is a good and charitable act — how much more care ought to be taken, lest these melancholy persons do harm to souls with their liberties ? And I truly believe, that very often (as I have said) this comes from an unrestrained disposition, from want of humility and mortification ; and that their melancholy does not do them so much mischief as this disposition : I say, in some persons, because I have noticed that when there is a prioress whom they fear, they keep within bounds, and are able to do so : why then can they not do so for the love of God ? I am afraid that the devil, under the pretext of this humour, wishes to
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gain many souls ; for it is more common now tlian formerly, and the reason is, because all “ self-will ” is now called melancholy. On this account it is, that I have been thinking that, in all the houses of our Order, this word should never be on our lips, because it seems to imply liberty, but that it should be called a “ great infirmity ” (and how great is it !), and that care should be taken of it, as such. At certain times, it is also necessary to lessen the in- firmity by a little medicine, that so it may be more easily endured ; and she should be attended to in the infirmary, and made to understand that when she comes out to join the community, she must be hum- ble and obedient the same as all the rest ; and that, whenever she is not so, her humour will not excuse her, since this is necessary for the reasons I have already mentioned, and for others also that I could dwell upon.
But it is also necessary that the prioress should conduct herself towards them with great compassion (without, however, their knowing it), just like a natural mother; and she should seek out all the means she can for their cure. Here I seem to con- tradict myself, for hitherto I have said that they should be treated with rigour : I now repeat the same : the prioress must make them understand that they will never prevail by doing their own will, but that they are to keep within bounds, and obey ; for, in feeling that they have this liberty their ruin con- sists. The prioress should not command them to do that which she sees they might perhaps resist, as they possess no strength of mind to do violence to themselves ; but she should manage them with dex- terity and love in everything necessary, that so (if possible) they may submit through love, which would be far better ; and sometimes it is well to convince them that she loves them, and to give them proofs by words and actions. The prioresses should also observe, that the best remedy they have is to employ
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them often in some duties, that so they may have no time to be fancying things in their imagination, for Serein lies all their evil ; and though sometimes they may not perforin these duties well, they must bear with their defects, that so they may not have to bear greater, when the persons are undone. This I know to be the most sovereign remedy which can be given them ; and they should also take care that they make not too long prayers ; even the ordinary prayers might be shortened, because such persons have for the most part a weak imagination, which will do them much harm ; and, besides this, they will desire things which neither they themselves, nor he that hears them, will ever be able to understand. Let care be taken that they eat fish but seldom, and also they should not fast so continually as the rest do. It may seem superfluous to give so many directions concerning this evil, and about no other, though there are so many and so grievous in this miserable life, especially in the weakness incidental to women. But I do this for two reasons : first, because such individuals think themselves well, since they will not understand they have this evil; and as they are forced to keep their bed, though they have no fever, nor is a doctor sent for, the prioress must be the doctor ; for it is an evil more prejudicial to all perfection than that which others have who keep their bed, because their life is in danger. The second reason is, because in other infirmities persons either recover or die : it is a wonder if they recover ; nor yet do they die, except that they entirely lose their judgment, which is a kind of death, inasmuch as they kill all who have to do with them. They suffer in themselves, indeed, a cruel death of afflictions, imaginations, and scruples ; and hereby they would gain great merit (though they call these tempta- tions), if they could understand that these afflictions, &c., proceed from the same evil ; and they would
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also find great ease and comfort, if they made little account of them. I certainly have great compassion for them, and all those who live with them should have the same compassion also, by considering how our Lord might have laid this evil on them likewise, and by bearing patiently with them (as I have said) . May our Lord grant that I may have said what is proper to be done, in regard to so great an infirmity.
CHAPTER VIII.
SOME DIRECTIONS ON REVELATIONS AND VISIONS.
It seems that the mere mention of visions or reve- lations causes terror in some persons : but I do not comprehend the reason why they consider it so very dangerous a thing for God to conduct a soul this way, nor can I understand whence this astonishment comes. I do not -wish at present to discuss which are good, or which are bad ; nor will I mention the sign? which I have heard from many learned persons for discerning these points : but 1 will speak of that which he should do who shall see himself in this condition, because such as these will meet with few confessors who will not leave them in great fear. And truly, w hen they tell these confessors how the devil represents to them many kinds of spiritual blasphemies, and things dishonest and shameful, the relation does not trouble the confessors so much as the account of an angel having spoken to them, or that our Lord Jesus Christ crucified appeared to them, at which they seem to be scandalized.
Neither do I desire to treat here, when Revelations are from God, since this is already known, by the great benefits conferred on the soul. But I wish to speak of those representations which the devil makes e 2
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to deceive us, by counterfeiting the image of Christ our Lord, or of His saints. With regard to this matter, I believe that our Lord will not permit, nor give him the power to be able to deceive any one by such like representations, except it be by their own fault ; rather, he himself will be deceived ; and thus we have no reason to be afraid, but let us trust in God, and pay no regard to these things, except to praise our Lord the more.
I know a person whom her confessor made very unhappy on account of such things ; and afterwards (by what was discovered from the great effects and good works which followed therefrom), it was clear that they were from God ; and she felt it very hard (when she saw our Lord's image in any vision), to make the sign of the cross, or to offer an insult to it, for she was commanded so to do. Treating afterwards on the subject with Dominico Bannez, a very learned man, he said, “ I was ill advised, and that no one should do so, for whenever we see the picture of our Lord, it is proper to reverence it, though the devil may have painted it, for he is a skilful painter ;* and that he even does us good, while he desires to do us harm, if he should draw a crucifix for us, or any other image to the life in such a manner, as to leave it engraven in our hearts." These words suited me very well, for when we see a very fine picture, though we know it has been painted by a bad man, yet we should not therefore undervalue it, nor make no account of the painter, so as to leave off our devo- tions. The good or evil does not consist in the vision, but in him who sees it, and does not thereby advance in humility. But if there be humility, no harm can befall us, though it come from the devil ; and if there be not humility, though it should come from God, it will do us no good : for if that which ought to humble the soul (seeing she does not de-
* “ Porque el es gran pintor,” &c.
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serve such favours), does but make her proud, it will be like the spider, which converts all it eats into poison, and not like the bee, which converts every- thing into honey. I wish to explain myself more clearly. If our Lord, through His goodness, should desire to represent Himself to a soul, in order that she might both know Him and love Him ; or if He should wish to discover some secret to her, or to grant her some particular favours and graces ; but if she, on the other hand, instead of humbling herself under them, and thereby acknowledging how little her baseness deserved them, should immediately take herself for a saint, and imagine that these favours were bestowed on her for some service she had done, then it is evident that the great good which might have come herefrom is converted, as by a spider, into evil. Now, let us suppose for the pre- sent, that the devil is the author of these apparitions, in order to excite us to pride ; yet if the soul (think- ing they are from God) humbles herself and ac- knowledges she is undeserving of such great favours, and endeavours to serve Him the more fervently ; if seeing herself rich, she yet considers herself not deserving to eat the crumbs which fall from the tables of those persons on whom she has heard God bestows such favours; if she humble herself, and begin to force herself to do penance, to give herself more to prayer, and to be more careful not to offend this Lord who she supposes grants her this favour, and if she be resolved to obey with greater perfec- tion ; then I am confident the devil will not return, but will go away confounded and leave no evil in the soul. When he bids her do some things, or tells her things to come, she should mention these to a discreet and learned confessor, not believing or doing anything but what he shall order her. She should also communicate with the prioress on the matter, that she may provide her with such a confessor ; and let her remember this advice, that if she will not obey
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what her confessor shall tell her, and will not suffer herself to be guided by him, it is either some evil spirit, or else a terrible melancholy. For (supposing the confessor to be mistaken), yet she will not make a mistake by following his directions, even though an angel of the Lord should speak to hpr, because our Lord will give her light, or effect the accomplish- ment of what was revealed to her ; and to act thus, is to be without danger; but to do otherwise, is to expose ourselves to many dangers and much evil.
Let this truth be remembered, that our natural weakness is very great, especially in women, and that it shows itself the most in this kind of prayer ; and thus it is necessary that we should not consider every little thing which presents itself to us as a vision ; for let them believe me, when it is a vision in reality, it will make itself sufficiently understood. When there is a little melancholy, more care is required ; for some have come to me on account of these fancies, who have quite astonished me, for how is it possible that such should really think they see things which they do not see ? Once a confessor came to me, in great astonishment, who had confessed a person who told him that our Lady often visited her, and sitting down on her bed, remained talking with her for more than an hour, and revealed to her things to qome, as well as many other matters. Among so many extravagancies, some things proved true, and then all were considered as such ! I immediately knew what was the matter, though I did not dare to say so, for we live in a world in which we should consider what others may think of us, that so our words may have effect. And so I told him to wait a little, and see if these j)^edictions proved true, and to make inquiry about other^effects, and get informa- tion concerning the life of that person ; in fine, when these things came to be examined into, all was dis- covered to be foolery.
I could say much more on this subject, all of
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which would prove my purpose, viz., that no one should easily give credit to such things, but should go on for a time, and thoroughly understand the case before she speak of it, in order not to deceive the confessor, nor wish to deceive him ; because if the confessor (however learned he may be) has not expe- rience in these matters, he will not be able to understand them. It is not many years ago, but only very lately, that a certain man grossly deceived some very learned and spiritual persons in these very matters, until he came to treat with an individual who had experience in the caresses of our Lord, and who saw clearly that it was folly and illusion, though then the party was not discovered, but continued disguised, until after a short time our Lord dis- covered the person to him, though this same per- son had before suffered much, because she was not believed*
For these and many other reasons, it is very proper that each of the sisters should treat frankly with the prioress on the nature of her prayers ; and let the prioress take great care to examine well the character and perfection of each sister, in order that she may inform the confessor, that so he may the better un- derstand her; and let her make choice of one for this purpose, if the ordinary confessor be not skilled in such matters. Let her also be very careful, that things of this nature be not made known to persons without — (however much we may judge them to come from God, and the favours may evidently be miracu- lous) ; neither should they be made known to con- fessors who have not the prudence to keep silence, for silence is of more importance than they imagine ; and they should not talk about them with one another. Let the prioress always listen to them with prudence, inclining more to praise those who excel in humility, mortification and obedience, than those
* The Saint here alludes to herself.
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whom God has called by this supernatural way of prayer, though they may possess all other virtues. For if it be the Spirit of God, it brings humility with it, to make us delight in being despised ; and it will do her no harm, and much good to others. For as they cannot attain that which God bestows on whom He pleases, they are disconsolate till they obtain these other virtues, although God gives them also : still they may be obtained by our own endeavours, and they are of great value for the religious state. May His Divine Majesty be pleased to give them to us ; for by spiritual exercises, carefulness, and prayer on our part. He will not refuse them to any one who, confiding in His mercy, shall endeavour to obtain them. In chapter IX, THE FOUNDATION OF ST. JOSEPH’S MONASTERY AT MALAGON.
How greatly have I wandered from my subject ! But these instructions and directions which I have given, may be more to the purpose than the account of the Foundations. Being now at St. Joseph's of Medina del Campo, it gave me great delight to see how these sisters followed in the same steps of the nuns of St. Joseph's at Avila, preserving the same devotion, unity, and spirit, and how our Lord continued to provide for His house everything necessary, both for the Church and the sisters. And this He did by moving some to enter, whom it seems He himself had chosen as suitable for the foundation of such a fabric : and I know well that on good beginnings depended all the good which was afterwards to come, because just as persons find the path, they walk along it afterwards.
There dwelt in Toledo, a lady, who was sister to the Duke of Medina Caeli, in whose house I lived for
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a time, by the command of my superioress (as I have related more fully in the Foundation of St. Joseph’s of Avila). When this lady heard that I had obtained license to found monasteries, she began greatly to importune me to found one in her town, named Malagon. I did not in any manner wish to do this, because the place was so small, that we should be obliged to have an income settled on us, in order to be able to maintain ourselves ; and to such a thing I was much opposed. But having consulted on the matter with some prudenLand learned men, and also with my confessor, they fold me that I did wrong; and that as the holy Council of Trent permitted incomes, there was no reason for refusing to found a monastery, wherein our Lord might be served so well, in my opinion. To these reasons were added the many importunities of the lady, by which I was obliged to found the monastery. She gave a suffi- cient income ; for I always preferred, either that the houses should be altogether poor, or that they should be supported in such a manner that the nuns would not be obliged to trouble any one for their support.
All possible diligence and care were used that no one in particular should possess anything, but that the "constitutions” should be observed in every respect the same as other monasteries founded in poverty. All the writings having been made out, I sent for some of the nuns to found the monastery ; and having arrived, we went with the lady to Mala- gon, where, as there was no house for us to enter, we lodged for more than eight days in an apartment of the castle.
On Palm-Sunday in the year 1568, all the people of the place came out in procession for us, and putting on our veils and white mantles, we came to the church, where we heard a sermon, and thence the most Blessed Sacrament was taken to our monastery — this excited great devotion in the people, and here I re- mained for some days. Being one day in prayer
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(after I had communicated), I heard our Lord say “ that He should be greatly served in that house.” I think I remained there about two months only, for my spirit hurried me to go and found a house in Valladolid; the cause of which foundation I will now relate.
CHAPTER X.
FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY OF VALLADOLID.
Four or five months after this monastery of St. Joseph's had been founded in Malagon, a young gentleman of quality discoursing with me said, “that if I would found a house in Valladolid, he would very willingly give me a house, which had a most hand- some and spacious garden attached to it ; there was a large vineyard also inside and he wished to give me possession immediately : as it was of great value, I accepted it, though I had not resolved to found a house there, because the place was about a mile from the city ; but I thought we might easily go to the city afterwards, when possession had been taken, and as he made the offer so very willingly, I did not wish to refuse accepting so good a work, nor to check his devotion.
About two months after (a little more or less), he fell so suddenly ill, that he was deprived of the use of his speech, and was unable therefore to make his confession, although he gave many proofs of being sorry for his sins : he died in a short time at a great distance from where I was. Our Lord told me, “ his salvation had been in great danger, but that He had mercy on him, on account of the service done to His Blessed Mother, in giving that house to found a monastery of her Order ; and that he should not be delivered from purgatory, until the first mass were
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said there, and that then he would be freed.” The grievous sufferings of this soul were so continually present to me, that though I wished to found a house in Toledo, I would not begin for the present, but hastened to found (as well as I could) one in Valladolid.
This work could not be effected so quickly as I de- sired, because I was obliged to remain in St. Joseph's of Avila, which was under my charge ; and afterwards I stopped for some time in St. Joseph's of Medina del Campo. Being one day there in prayer, our Lord told me “to make haste, because that soul suffered greatly.” Upon hearing these words I commenced my journey immediately, though without any prepa- ration, and entered Valladolid on the Feast of St. Laurence. When I saw the house, I was exceedingly afflicted, because I perceived it would be madness for the nuns to remain there, without very great expense: and (although there was much room for recreation, on account of having so beautiful a garden) it must have been very unhealthy, because a river ran close by it. Though I was exceedingly fatigued, yet I wished to go and hear mass in a monastery of our Order, which stood at the entrance of the city : but as it was a considerable distance, it only increased my pain the more : however, I did not say anything to my companions, in order not to discourage them, for I had a belief (though a weak one) that our Lord would provide a remedy for the accomplishment of what He had told me. Accord- ingly, I privately employed workmen to commence building the walls (that so we might have enclosure) and to do whatever else was necessary. There was with us the priest I mentioned before, Julian d' Avila, and one of the two friars who, as I have already men- tioned, desired to become “ discalced,” and to be made acquainted with our manner of living in these houses, while Julian d' Avila endeavoured to procure a license from the ordinary, who had given good
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hopes before I came here. This license could not be obtained so soon until Sunday, but leave was given for mass to be said in the place we had pre- pared for a chapel, and accordingly it was said. I had no thought that then would be fulfilled what I had heard concerning this soul : for although I was told it would be at the “ first mass,” I thought it would take place at that mass in which the Blessed Sacrament would be exposed.
When the priest came to where we were to com- municate, with the Most Sacred Host in his hands, as soon as I approached to receive it, the same young gentleman I have spoken of appeared to me, with a sinning countenance, by the side of the priest, looking very glad and cheerful, and with his hands joined together. He thanked me for what I had done in freeing him from purgatory, and then that soul flew straightway to heaven. Indeed, as soon as I understood that he was in the way of salvation, I was very glad, because when I heard of his sudden death, I was in a manner hopeless, fear- ing lest his soul might be lost, for it seemed to me that another kind of death was necessary for his manner of living, since (though he had many good qualities) he was given to the vanities of the world : true it is, he told my companions he thought his death very near. Wonderful indeed it is, how pleasing to our Lord any service is which is done to His Mother, and great is His mercy. May he be praised and blessed by all men, who thus rewards with eternal life and glory our mean and miserable actions, and make them great which are of them- selves so worthless.
Possession was taken of this monastery, on the day of our Lady's Assumption, 1568. We remained there but a short time, for nearly all of us became very unwell. But a lady of this place, named Dona Maria de Mendoza, wife to the Governor Cobos, and mother to the Marquess de Camarasa, a very
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pious Christian, and wonderfully charitable (as her abundant alms well testify), of whom formerly I received much kindness, — for being the sister of the bishop of Avila, I had occasion to treat with her, and she then greatly assisted us in the foundation of the first monastery, and in everything else relating to our Order ; this lady being so very charitable, and seeing we could not live here without great incon- venience, both on account of the place being so distant for receiving alms, as well as being un- healthy, told us to give her that house, and she would buy another for us : and so she did, and what she gave us was worth a great deal more> besides giving us up to this time whatever we want, which she will continue as long as she lives.
On the Feast of St. Blasius we went to this other house, with a solemn procession, which excited much devotion in the people, and this still continues : for our Lord showed great mercies to this house, and has conducted souls to it whose sanctity will, in its time, be made manifest to the praise of our Lord, who by such means desires to magnify His works, and to show favours to his creatures.
CHAPTER XI.
SHE GIVES THE LIFE AND DEATH OF A NUN NAMED BEATRIZ
OF THE INCARNATION.
There came into this monastery to be a nun, a young lady named Dona Beatriz Ohez, whose soul made all of us astonished to see what great virtues our Lord produced in her : for the prioress and nuns affirm, that all the time she lived among them they never perceived in her anything which could be considered as an imperfection, nor ever noticed any alteration in her looks on account of
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things which happened: but she always had a modest cheerfulness, which discovered the inward joy and peace her soul possessed, as well as a silence without heaviness, which, however great, carried with it nothing of singularity. She was never known to have spoken a word that could be found fault with : no obstinency was ever seen in her; nor did she excuse herself even when the prioress (to try her) blamed her for what she had not done, as is the custom in these houses, for the sake of mortification. She never complained of anything, nor of any of the sisters, nor by look or by word did she ever displease any one in whatever duty she was employed. She never gave occasion for even a suspicion of any im- perfection ; nor was there any accusation of a fault made against her in the chapter, although the monitors* are very exact in noticing the smallest faults. In all things her interior and exterior recol- lection was most admirable: this arose from the thought of eternity being continually present to her, and to the remembrance of the end for which God has created us. She always had on her lips the praises of God, and acts of the most profound grati- tude : in short, her life was one continual prayer. In matters of obedience she never committed a fault, but with promptitude, joy, and perfection she per- formed everything that was commanded her. She had a most ardent charity for her neighbour, and to such a degree, that she often said, “ she would allow herself to be cut in a thousand pieces for any one, on condition he might not lose his soul, but might enjoy the sight of her brother Jesus Christ (for she was accustomed so to call Him in the midst of her afflictions), which though they were so great, and so terrible, and accompanied with most violent pains (as I shall relate further on), yet she endured them as willingly and contentedly as if they were the greatest
* “ Los celadoras.”
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joys and delights : and these delights our Lord must certainly have given to her soul, otherwise it would have been impossible for her to have borne her sufferings with such joy.
It happened once in this city of Valladolid, that certain criminals were led along to be burnt for some enormous crimes; and when she understood that they were not prepared for death so well as they ought, she was exceedingly afflicted, and immedi- ately with profound sorrow she had recourse to our Lord, and most earnestly besought him to grant the salvation of those souls : and that instead of what they deserved, in order that she might obtain her request (for I do not remember her words exactly), she begged of Him to give her, during her whole life, all the pains and afflictions she was able to bear. That very night her first fever seized her ; and until the day of her death she was always suffering. The criminals died in excellent dispositions, by which it appeared that God heard her prayers.
She also had an imposthume in her bowels, which caused her so great pain, that she could not have borne it patiently unless our Lord had given to her soul what she stood in need of. This imposthume being inward, all the medicine which she took was of no use to her, until our Lord was pleased that it should break and cast forth matter, and then she was somewhat relieved from this affliction. Having such a great desire for sufferings, she was not con- tent with a few : but one day, on hearing a sermon on the “ Cross,” this desire increased to such a degree, that when the sermon was over, she went and threw herself on her bed with floods of tears, and on being asked what was the matter, she replied, “ that they should ask God to grant her many afflictions, and then she would be content.” She spoke with the prioress about everything connected with her inte- rior life, and this gave her much consolation. Under all her sickness she never showed the least
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sign of impatience, and did nothing but just as the infirmarian wished, though it were not to drink a drop of water. For souls who have the gift of prayer, to desire afflictions when they already have them, is very usual; but to rejoice under afflictions is not the case with many. She was already so afflicted that her life did not last long ; for besides these excessive pains, she also had an imposthume in her throat, so that she could not swallow. While some of the sisters were standing by her, she said to the prioress (as being the person whose duty it was to console and animate her to bear patiently her sufferings) “that she felt no pain, and that she would not change her place for that of any of the sisters, however well in health they might be.” She had so present to her mind that Lord for whose love she suffered, that, as much as she possibly could, she turned aside, to prevent any one from knowing what she suffered ; and thus she complained very little, except when her pains were very grievous. She imagined there was no creature on earth so wicked as she was, and in everything her humility was great, as far as one could observe. In speaking of the virtues of others, she rejoiced exceedingly. In mortifications she was excessive, and with a certain kind of artifice she turned away from whatever could afford recreation to her, so that unless a person observed her, he did not perceive the artifice. She seemed not to live nor to converse with creatures ; and so much did she undervalue everything, that whatever way affairs went, she endured them so patiently that the sisters always saw her in the same calm state. When once a sister said to her, that she appeared to resemble those persons who stand much upon their honour, and who would rather die of hunger than wish others to know what they suffered, for they could not believe but that she had feelings in some things, though very little was per- ceived, she replied, “Whatever we do, however
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small, for the love of God, the price thereof is ines- timable. We should not, sisters, so much as turn our eyes, except for this purpose, to please Him.” All her pains and duties tended to this end, so that she never lost the merit of them. She never meddled in anything which did not belong to her, and therefore she knew no one’s defects but her own. She suffered so much when any good was spoken of her, that the sisters were careful not to say anything in her presence, in order not to give her pain. She never endeavoured to procure any consolation for herself, either by going into the garden, or in any other created thing, for (as she said), “ It would be rudeness to seek any relief from those pains which our Lord gave her,” and hence she never asked for anything, but contented herself with what was given her. She said likewise, “ that it would rather be a torment to her, to take delight in anything which was not God.” The wonder is, that when I inquired of those living in the house, there were none who perceived in her anything which did not imply, that her soul had arrived at the highest perfection.
The time being now come when our Lord wished to take her out of this life, her pains increased, and these were joined with so many other afflictions, that the sisters (in order to praise our Lord in see- ing the patience with which she endured them) came many times to visit her: the chaplain, especially, had a great desire to be present at her death, for he was confessor in this monastery, and was a great servant of God, and being her confessor, he con- sidered her a saint. God was pleased his desire should be accomplished, for although she had per- fect possession of her senses, and had already re- ceived extreme unction, yet the nuns called him, in order that, if he should be wanted that night, he might reconcile her, and help her to die well. A little before nine o’clock, the chaplain and all the sisters standing by, her pains left her a quarter of an
F
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hour before she died; and she lifted up her eyes with very great calmness, a certain joyfulness appear- ing on her .countenance, which seemed to be as it were a kind of splendour ; and she remained as one gazing upon an object which gave her abundant joy, for then she smiled twice. All who were present, and the priest himself, experienced such great spiritual delight and joy that they could say nothing more, than that they thought themselves to be in heaven. And with this cheerfulness I speak of, and with her eyes fixed on heaven, she expired, her coun- tenance appearing like that of angels’ ; for so we may believe (according to our faith, and her life,) that our Lord took her to His eternal rest in recom- pense for the desire she had to suffer for Him. The chaplain affirms (and he has said the same to other persons) that at the time when her body was interred, he felt a very strong and most delicious perfume. The sacristan likewise affirms that of all the tapers which were lighted in honour of her funeral, not one was wasted or diminished. All this may be believed to have happened through the mercy of God. When I spoke of these things with a confessor of hers belonging to the Society of Jesus, who had been her confessor for several years in the guidance of her soul, he said, “ it was no strange thing, and that he did not wonder at it, because he knew our Lord had frequent communications with her.” May it please His Divine Majesty, my sisters, that we may know how to take advantage of such good company as hers was, and of many others whom our Lord has given us in these houses ; I may afterwards say something of them, that so those may strive to imitate them, who advance with some trepidity, and that we may all praise our Lord, who thus makes His greatness to shine in a few weak women.
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In chapter XII, ON THE FOUNDATION OF THE FIRST HOUSE OF DISCALCEATE FRIARS.
Before I went to this Foundation of Valladolid, I had already agreed with Father Antonio de Jesus (who was then prior of St. Anne’s Monastery at Medina, and a Carmelite), and also with Father John de la Cruz, as I have already said, that they should he the first to be admitted, if any monastery were erected of the First Rule of Discalceate Friars. But as I had no means of providing a house, I ceased not to recommend the matter to Almighty God, because (as I have said) I was already satisfied with these two fathers; for Father Antonio de Jesus had been tried by our Lord in many afflictions, all of which he bore with great patience, and it is now a year since I first spoke to him on the subject ; and with regard to Father John de la Cruz, no proof was necessary, because (although he lived amongst the Fathers Calceate),* yet he always led a holy and perfect life.
Our Lord was pleased, having granted me the principal point, viz., the friars to commence with, to grant the rest also. A young gentleman of Avila, named Don Raphael, with whom I had never before spoken, came to hear (I know not how, for I do not remember) that I wished to found a monastery of Discalceate Friars, and therefore he came and offered to give me a house which he possessed in a little village (called Durvelo) :f it had few houses, not above twenty, I think, if I remember rightly ; this house was inhabited by a farmer, who collected his rents there for him. Though I judged what kind of
* “ Aunque estaban entre los del pafio calzados.” f St. Teresa does not mention Durvelo here by name ; the house was afterwards translated to Mancera.
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place it was, I praised our Lord, and accepting the offer, thanked the gentleman much. He told me it was on the way to Medina del Campo, and that I must pass by it to go to the Foundation of Valla- dolid, and that being the direct way, I might then see the place. I answered I would do this, and I did so ; for I went from Avila in the month of June, with only one companion, and with Father Julian d' Avila, who was the priest I spoke of that assisted me in these journeys : he was chaplain to St. Joseph's of Avila. Though we set off at daybreak, yet as we knew not the road, we missed our way ; and as the place was not much known, no one could direct us; and thus we walked all that day in great trouble, for the sun was very hot, and when we thought we were near the place, we had as far again to travel. I shall always remember the fatigue and wandering of that day. We arrived there a little before night; and when we entered the house, it was in such a state, that we dare not remain there during the night, because the place was so exceedingly dirty, and there were also many reapers* about. It had a tolerable hall, two chambers with a garret, and a little kitchen: this building was all that composed our convent. I thought that the hall might be converted into a chapel, the garret into a choir, which suited very well, and the chambers into a dormitory. My com- panion, though much better than myself, and a greater lover of penance, could not endure the idea of establishing a convent there, and therefore she said to me : — “ Certainly, Mother, no soul (however good she might be) could endure such a place. Speak no more about it."
Father Julian, who was with me, though of the same opinion as my companion, when I told him my intentions, did not oppose me. We went and passed that night in the church ; but on account of our
* Literally, “ Mucha gente del Agdsto.”
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great fatigue, we stood more in need of sleeping than watching. Having arrived at Medina, I immediately spoke with Father Antonio, and told him what had passed, and that if he had courage to remain there some time, he might be sure God would soon provide a remedy for him. I seem to have then beheld present before me what our Lord has since done, and to have considered as certain (in a way of speaking) what I now see, yea — and a great deal more than I have seen ; for at the time I am now writing, there are ten monasteries of Discalceate Friars. I told him also he might be assured that neither the former, nor the present provincial would give us their license (for, as 1 mentioned in the beginning, their consent was necessary), if they saw us in a very fine house : besides, that we had no remedy, and that living in such a small house and village, no notice would be taken of us. Our Lord had given him greater courage than to me, for he said, “ He would dwell not only there, but even in a pig-stie.” Father de la Cruz was of the same mind also. And now we wanted to obtain the consent of the two fathers whom I have mentioned, because our Father-General had granted the license on this condition. I hoped in our Lord to be able to obtain it, and therefore I spoke to Father Antonio to take care of collecting all he could for the house, and departed with Father John de la Cruz for the Foundation of Valladolid, already described. As we were obliged to spend some days with the workmen, till the house was enclosed, I took the opportunity of informing Father John de la Cruz of our whole manner of living, in order that he might understand every particular, both as regards our mortifications, the nature of our conversation and recreations, which we have all united together; and all these are used with such moderation, as only to serve in discovering the faults of the sisters, and to enable' them to take a little relaxation, the better to support the rigour of their
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rules : lie was so good, that at least I might have learnt much more from him than he from me; but this was not my design, but only to show him the manner in which the sisters proceeded. It pleased God, that the provincial of our Order, named Fra Alonzo Gonzales (from whom I was to obtain a license), should come here at this time: he was an old man, very good, and without malice. In asking the license, I gave so many reasons for granting it, and insisted so much on the account he would have to render to God, if he in any way hindered so good a work, that His Divine Majesty disposing him (because He wished to have the request granted), he was greatly mortified. The Lady Dona Maria de Mendoza, and the bishop of Avila her brother, coming there, who has ever favoured and protected us, soon obtained his consent, as well as that of Father Angel de Salazar, from whom I feared all the difficulty, and who was the former provincial. But just at this time, there happened a certain event, which required the favour of the Lady Dona Maria de Mendoza, and this greatly assisted (I believe) our cause; and besides, had not this occasion helped us, our Lord would have put it into his heart, as He did into the Father-General's, who was far from consenting thereto. O ! my God, how many things have I seen in this business which seemed to be impossible ; but how easy has it been for your Divine Majesty to smoothen all difficulties ! And what a confusion is it to me (having seen what I have seen), to be no better than I am! And now while I am writing these lines, I am astonished, and I desire our Lord would make known to all men, that in these Foun- dations we poor creatures have done almost nothing ; but our Lord has disposed everything by means of beginnings so humble, that only His Divine Majesty was able to raise them up to what they are now. May He be for ever blessed
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CHAPTER XIII.
SHE CONTINUES THE HISTORY OF THE FOUNDATION OF THE FIRST
HOUSE OF DISCALCEATE CARMELITES. SHE TELLS SOMETHING
CONCERNING THE LIFE THEY LEAD, ETC.
As soon as I obtained the consent of these two fathers, it now seemed to me that nothing more was wanting. We arranged that Father John de la Cruz should go to the house, and prepare it in such a way that he might be able to enter it as he desired, for I made all haste to have a beginning, because I was greatly afraid some obstacle might come in the way, and so the business was done. Father Antonio had already collected a few things that were necessary, and we helped as well as we could, which was but little. He came to speak to me at Valladolid, and was full of joy, telling me what he had provided, which was but scanty, and how he had got together fine clocks,* which made me laugh heartily. He told me that as he wished to keep the exact hours, he did not wish to go unprovided : I think they had, as yet, no place to sleep in. There was little delay in fitting up the house, for though they wished to make several altera- tions, they had no money. After this, Father Antonio renounced his priorship with great willingness, and took the vows of the First Rule ; and though I told him to try it at first, yet he would not, but went to his little house with the greatest content in the world : Father John was already there.
Father Antonio told me that when he saw the little place, it gave him very great interior joy : and he seemed to have given up the world altogether, and entirely to have abandoned it, on entering that solitude. Neither to one or the other did the house appear inconvenient, but rather they imagined that
* Perhaps “ hour-glasses ” would be a better translation.
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they lived amidst great delights. O my God ! how little do such buildings and exterior delights contri- bute to interior joy ! For the love of God, I beseech you, my sisters, and you, my fathers, that you always show yourselves very moderate with respect to large and sumptuous houses. Let us place before us our true founders (I mean, those holy fathers from whom we have descended) ; for we know that, by the path of poverty and humility, they arrived at the enjoy- ment of God. I have indeed noticed that there is more of the Spirit, and even more interior joy, when our body suffers some inconveniences, than when we live in large houses, however grand they may be. What good are they to us ? It is only a cell that we continually use ; and, however large and well-built it may be, what is it to us ? We are not to look at the walls, but to consider that this house will not last for ever, but only for the short time of our life, however long that may be. Everything will become sweet to us, when we consider that the less we have here, the more we shall enjoy hereafter in that eternity, where there are mansions proportionable to the love with which we shall have imitated the life of our good Jesus. If we say that these are beginnings, for the renewal of the rules of the Virgin, His Mother, and our lady and patroness, let us not offer either to her, or to our holy fathers and predecessors, so great an insult as not to conform ourselves to them. And although, on account of our weakness, we cannot do this in every respect, yet in things which in no ways tend to sustain life, we should proceed with, great care, since all is but a small savoury affliction, as these two fathers found it ; and by resolving within ourselves to suffer, the difficulty is over, for all the pain is only felt a little in the beginning.
On the first or second Sunday of Advent (I do not remember which), in the year 1568, the first mass was said in that little portal of Bethlehem, for no better did it appear to me. The following Lent, as
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I was going to the Foundation of Toledo, I passed by it, and came there one morning while Father Antonio de Jesus was sweeping the door of the Church, with a cheerful countenance, such as he always has. I said to him : “ What is this, father? what has be- come of your dignity ?" He replied in these words (intimating the great joy he felt) : “ I consider that time badly spent, when I enjoyed honour." When I went into the church, I was astonished to see the spirit our Lord had produced there ; and not only I myself, but two merchants also, friends of mine, who had come with me from Medina, did nothing but weep, so many crosses and skulls were there. Never shall I forget one little wooden cross, which was placed over the holy water stoup, to which was fas- tened a paper crucifix,* and which produced more devotion than if it had been a crucifix very elabo- rately carved. The garret formed the choir, which was high towards the middle, so that they could recite the “ Hours ; 33 but to enter it they were obliged to stoop f very low, in order to hear mass. They made two little hermitages on each side of the church (where they could not remain, except either by sitting or reclining), and filled the inside with hay, because the place was very cold : their heads almost touched the roof. Towards the altar were two little windows, and two stones served for pillows: here also there were crosses and skulls. I under- stood that after matins were over, they returned (not to sleep), but continued in prayer, which they had in a high degree ; and it happened many times that when they went to Prime, their habits were covered with snow, and they perceived it not. They recited the “ Hours" with another father of the relaxed rule, who came to live with them, though he did not change his habit, being of a weak constitution : another religious young man lived with them also,
* “ Una imagen de papel con un Christo,” &c.
f “Abajar,” an old verb for “abatir,” to stoop, to bend.
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not in holy orders. They went about preaching in many neighbouring places, where the people were without any learning, so that, in this respect, I was glad a house had been erected there, for I was told there was no monastery near, where they could get instructions, &c., which was a great pity. In a short time they gained so great a reputation, that when I heard of it, it gave me the greatest consolation. They went to preach six or eight miles off, barefoot (for they wore no sandals* then, though afterwards they were commanded to wear them), in the midst of the snow and cold ; and when they had finished preach- ing and confessing, they returned very late to their meal, but with such joy that all their sufferings seemed but little to them. As for food, they had sufficient, for the people in all the neighbouring villages provided them with more than they wanted ; and some neighbouring gentlemen, who came to their church to confession, offered them better houses and better situations. Among them was one Don Luis, lord of five villas :f this gentleman had built a church for an image of our Lady, worthy indeed of veneration : his father had sent it from Flanders to his grandmother, or mother (I forget which), in the care of a merchant, who became so fond of it, that he kept it by him for many years ; but afterwards, on his death-bed, he commanded it to be restored to the rightful owner. It is a large picture, and in my whole life I have never seen a better ; and others say the same.
Father Antonio de Jesus, having gone there at the gentleman's request, was so taken with the picture when he saw it (and very justly so), that he con- sented to found a monastery there: the place is called Mancera, though it had no well-water, nor was there any likelihood of any being obtained there. This gentleman built a small house for them (suita-
* “ Alpargatas,” a sort of sandals made of hemp.
+ “ Seflor de las cinco villas.’*
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ble to their profession), and gave them furniture and many other things. I will not omit mentioning how our Lord gave them water, for it was considered miraculous. Father Antonio being one day, after supper, in the cloister with his Religious (he was then prior), while they were talking of their great want of water, the prior rose up, and taking a staff which he was accustomed to carry in his hand, he made with it in a certain part the sign of the cross (as far as I remember, for I am not certain whether he made the sign of the cross) ; however, he marked * out the place with the staff, and said : “ Now, dig here.” They did so, and had not gone very deep, before such a copious stream came forth, that, when they wish to clean the well, it is difficult to drain it ; and the water is very good to drink, so that they use it for almost everything, and (as I have said) it never fails. Afterwards they enclosed a garden, and tried to obtain water there, by using what is called a noria;* yet hitherto, though they went to great expense, they have found but very little.
When I saw this little house, which a short time before could not be inhabited, endued with such a spirit, that wherever I turned, I found something to edify me ; and when I understood their manner of living, their mortification and prayer, and the good example they gave (for a gentleman and his wife whom I knew, and who lived near them, came to see me, and related to me their sanctity, and the great good they did among the people), I could not satisfy myself in giving thanks to our Lord with an ex- cessive interior joy, for I thought I already saw a foundation laid for the great increase of our Order, and the service of our Lord. May His Divine Majesty please to carry it on, as He does now, for then my thoughts will come true. The merchants who came along with me told me, that they would
* Ad engine, or wheel, for drawing water out of a well.
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not for all the world have neglected going there. What power is there in virtue ! for they were more pleased with that poverty than with all the riches they possessed, and their mind was thereby much consoled.
After those fathers and myself had spoken about certain matters, I, as a weak and sinful creature, earnestly requested them not to exercise themselves in mortifications with such rigour, for they were very great ; and since it had cost me so much in desiring and praying our Lord to give me some per- sons to commence this work, which already had begun so well, I was afraid the devil would seek out some means to bring them to their grave, before that was effected which I had hoped for ; and being so imper- fect, and having such little faith, I did not consider it was the work of God, and that His Divine Majesty would carry it on. But having those virtues which I wanted, they took little notice of my words for omitting their exercises. And so I departed with most abundant consolation, though I did not give to God all the praises He deserved for so great a favour. May our Lord, in His goodness, grant that I may be worthy to serve Him in something corresponding with all that I owe Him ; Amen : for I clearly understood that this was a much greater favour than that which He bestowed on me in founding the houses of nuns.
In chapter XIV, ON THE FOUNDATION OF THE MONASTERY OF THE GLORIOUS
ST. JOSEPH IN THE CITY OF TOLEDO, IN THE YEAR 1569.
There lived in the city of Toledo a merchant, an eminent man and a servant of God : he would never marry, but led a good life, as every Catholic should do, for he was a man of great virtue and honesty.
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He had collected his money by a lawful business, with the intention of doing by it some act of charity that would be most pleasing to our Lord : his name was Martin Ramirez. He fell dangerously ill ; and a father of the Society of Jesus named Paul Her- nandez (to whom I had confessed when in this city, treating about the Foundation of Malagon), hearing of this circumstance, and greatly desiring that a monastery of nuns might be founded in Toledo, went to visit him, and in the course of conversation told him “what a good opportunity presented itself of doing so great a service to our Lord ; and how he might place in the monastery what chaplains and chapelries he pleased, and that there likewise certain festivals might be kept, and all the rest done which he intended to have established in a certain parish of this city.” The gentleman was so very ill that he was sensible he had no time to arrange all these matters ; wherefore he left everything in the hands of his brother, Alonzo Alvarez Ramirez, a very discreet person, who feared God, very good and charitable, and endowed with solid judgment. This I may say of him with very great truth, as having seen it myself from frequently conversing with him.
When Martin Ramirez died, I was then engaged in the Foundation of Valladolid ; and there Father Paul Hernandez and Alonso Alvarez wrote to me, giving me an account of all that passed, and begging me to set out for Toledo, if I wished to accept this Foundation. I departed accordingly a short time after the house was founded in Valladolid, and I arrived at Toledo on the Eve of the Nativity of our Lord : I went to the house of the Lady Doha Louisa Cerda, where I had been before about the Founda- tion of Malagon. I was received with great kindness, for this lady had much regard for me. I took along with me from St. Joseph’s of Avila two companions, who were great servants of God. An apartment was
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immediately provided for us (as is customary), and here we enjoyed the same quiet and recollection as if we were in a monastery. I immediately began to treat on the business with Alonso Alvarez : but a son- in-law of his named Diego Hortiz (although a very good man, and a Divine), was more given to his own opinion than Alonso, and would not therefore so soon listen to reason ; they began to demand of me many conditions, which I did not think proper to grant.
We went on, however, with our agreement, looking out at the same time for a house to let, in order that possession might be taken ; but we could not meet with one suitable (though many inquiries had been made) ; neither could I prevail on the Governor to grant me a license (for at this time there was no arch- bishop), though on one side the lady at whose house I was stopping, and a gentleman, canon of the church, named Don Pedro Manrique, son of the Governor of Castile, had done all they could to induce him. This canon was a great servant of God, and is so still, for he is yet alive ; and although he had very indifferent health, a few years after this house was founded, he entered into the Society of Jesus, where he now is.
He was highly esteemed in this city on account of his solid understanding and great authority. But with all their exertions, I could not obtain the license, for when the Governor was a little more mild and inclined, the members of the Council were opposed ; on the other hand, we could not agree with Alonso Alvarez, on account of his son-in-law, upon whom he relied much in this business, so that at last we broke off the agreement altogether. I now knew not what to do, for I came to Toledo for no other object but the Foundation; and I saw that to go away without founding the house would be a great reproach ; yet I was more concerned at having no license than at all the rest, for I hoped that posses- sion being once taken, our Lord would provide
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everything else, as He has done in other places. I resolved, therefore, to speak with the Governor myself, and hastening to a church which stood near his house, I sent a message to entreat him he would allow me to speak with him : it was now more than two months since the business had been going on, and every day it became worse. When I appeared before him, I said : — “ It was a hard case that poor women should have come here who desired to live in strict rigour and perfection and enclosure ; and that those who endured none of these things, but lived in delights, should wish to prevent works redounding so much to the Glory of God.”* By these and many other reasons, which I gave him with great freedom and resolution, as our Lord enabled me, I moved his heart in such a manner that before I left him he granted me the license. Hereupon I was greatly pleased, thinking myself now to possess all, when I had nothing, for I had in my possession but three or four ducats, f with which I bought two pictures, painted on linen (because I had not one to place on the altar), two straw beds, and a coverlet. I knew of no house, and had nothing more to do with Alonso Alvarez. A merchant of this city, a friend of mine, who had always led a single life, and applied himself to the performance of good works, especially to the relief of prisoners, told me not to be afflicted, for that he would find me a house : his name was Alonso d’ Avila : he fell sick, however, and could not therefore keep his promise. A few days before, there came to Toledo a Franciscan friar, called Brother Martin de la Cruz, a man of eminent sanctity. He stopped a few days, and when he departed, he sent to me a young man, a penitent of his, whose name was
* “Que era recia cosa que viniessen mugeres, que querian vivir en todo rigor, y perfecion, y en cerramiento, y que los que no pas- sabau nada desto, sino que se estaban en regalos, quisiesen estorbar obras de tanto servicio de Dios.”
+ Ducats were both silver and gold. The silver ones were valued at about 4s. 6d. t and the gold ones at 9s. 6d.
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Andrada : he was very poor, and his confessor told him to do whatever I should order him. Being one day in the church at mass, he came to speak with me, telling me what that good father had com- manded him, assuring me that he would do all he could to serve me, though this would be only with his person. I thanked him, and laughed heartily, and so also did my companions, on seeing what a help that holy man had sent us, for his garb was not fit for conversing with Discalceate nuns.
When I now saw myself with a license, but with no one to help me, I knew not what to do, nor whom to apply to : but I remembered the young man whom Father Martin de la Cruz had sent to me, and I mentioned him to my companions, but they laughed much at me, advising me not to attempt such a thing, for that he would be sure to discover the business. I would not, however, listen to them, for (as he was sent by that servant of God), I was was confident he would prove in some way useful, and that he had not been sent without a mystery. I sent for him accordingly, and gave him an account of what had passed, strictly commanding him to observe all possible secrecy ; and so I desired him to look for a house, and for the hire of it I would give him security: the money would be provided by Alonso d' Avila, who, as I have said, fell ill. The young man thought it would be very easy to find a house, and assured me he would succeed. So the next morning, being at mass in a church of the Fathers of the Society of Jesus, he came to speak with me, and told me that now he had found a house, and had brought the keys with him, for it was so very near, that we might go and see it : we did so, and found it so convenient that we dwelt in it almost a year. Very often, when I think of this Foundation, I am astonished at the ways of God ; for during three months (or at least more than two, I do not remember which), certain rich persons went
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all round Toledo, seeking for a house, and could not find one : and yet, when this poor young man went, our Lord was pleased he should immediately find one ; and when a monastery might have been erected without any trouble, had I agreed with Alonso Alvarez. I was not to do it, but quite the contrary, in order that the foundation might be in poverty and labour.
As the house suited us, I ordered immediate pos- session to be taken, before anything else was done in it, that so there might be no disturbance. Not long after the above-mentioned, Andrada came to tell me that the house would be free (empty) on that day, and that we might send our furniture there : I told him there was little to be done, for all we had were but two straw beds and a coverlet, at which he seemed astonished. My answer did not please my companions, for they said, “ that as I let him know we were so poor, he would perhaps be unwilling to help us." I did not reflect on this, nor did he take any notice of what I said, for He who bestowed on him the will to help us, would also continue it for the accomplishment of His work. And so He did, for I think we could not surpass Andrada' s diligence in preparing the house and procuring workmen. We borrowed all that was necessary for saying mass; and in the beginning of the night we went with a workman to take possession of the house, carrying with us a little bell, such as they ring at the Eleva- tion, for we had no other : and thus, to my great fear, we spent the night in preparing things : but I found no place proper for a chapel, except in a room, which was entered through another little house that stood near it, and which also the landlady had let out to us : but then certain women lived in it, to whom I did not dare to say anything, lest they should dis- cover us.
Everything being now ready, we began to open a door through a partition-wall, which led into a
o
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FOUNDATION OF
small court. The women who were in the room, as soon as they heard the blows, rose up in great fear. We had great difficulty to pacify them ; for a while they were inflexible, but did no harm, our Lord appeasing them. When they saw what was the matter, they allowed mass to be said at the proper time.
I saw afterwards what a mistake; for then, on account of the ardour which God gave us to accom- plish his work, the inconveniences are not noticed ; for when the mistress of the house (who was the wife of a magorazgo*) learnt that her house was converted into a church, she made a great noise : but our Lord was pleased to pacify her, as she thought that if she pleased us, we might purchase the house from her. When the members of the Council, however, were informed that a monastery had been erected, for which they never intended to grant a license, they became very angry, + and not finding the Governor at home (for, after granting the license, he was obliged to take a journey to some place), they went to the house of a certain canon of the church (whom I had privately acquainted with the business), and told him how much they were astonished at the boldness of a silly woman, that against their wish had dared to erect a monastery. He answered them as if he knew nothing, and endeavoured to soften them as well as he could, telling them “ how I had done the same in other places, and that I would never have done this with- out sufficient authority.” I don't know how many days after this it was, that they sent us an “ ex- communication,” J forbidding mass to be said until we had produced the authority by which we had acted. I answered them mildly, that I would do
* I cannot find an English word corresponding with the Spanish, which means the first-born son, who possesses the right of primo- geniture.
f u Estaban muy bravos.”
+ “Descomunidn.”
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THE GLORIOUS ST. JOSEPHUS IN TOLEDO. 83
what they commanded, though I was not obliged to obey them in this respect. Accordingly, I requested Don Pedro Manrique (the gentleman of whom I have spoken) to go and explain matters, and show them the authority. He did so, and thus they were satisfied, especially as the monastery was already finished, otherwise we should have had much trouble. For some days we continued with only two straw- beds and a coverlet, without any other furniture : even on the very day possession was taken we had not so much as a chip to broil a sprat with, till our Lord moved some one — I know not whom — to place in the church a faggot of wood, whereby our want was sup- plied. During the nights we felt the cold very much, though we covered ourselves with the mantles and coverlets which we had brought with us. It may seem impossible, that living in the house of that lady who loved me so much, we should yet be in so great poverty : there is no other reason but that our Lord wished we should experience the advantage of this virtue. I asked for nothing, for I dislike being a burden to any one ; and she may perhaps not have adverted to our poverty, for I am already indebted to her much more than she can give me.
But this was a great benefit to ourselves ; for so great were the joy and interior consolation we ex- perienced, that often-times I call to mind what treasures our Lord keeps locked up in these virtues. It seems to me, that the poverty we endured was a kind of sweet contemplation, though it continued but for a short time, for presently Alvarez himself and others came and supplied us with more than we wanted. And truly, my sadness was then so great, that I seemed to be like one who, possessed of many precious jewels, had them all stolen, and was thus left poor : just so was I afflicted at the loss of my poverty, and my companions also were the same : and when I saw them sorrowful, I inquired what was the matter ? They replied : “ What have we to g 2
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