Selected letters of St. Gemma Galgani to her spiritual director, Fr. Germano di San Stanislao, C.P.
Translated from the Italian by the Dominican Nuns of Corpus Christi Monastery, New York City, 1947. Nihil Obstat: John M. A. Fearns, S.T.D., Censor Librorum. Imprimatur: Francis Cardinal Spellman, Archbishop of New York, December 4, 1946.
I. SHE BEGINS TIMIDLY TO OPEN HER HEART TO HER NEW DIRECTOR, WHO IS A STRANGER.
Padre:— All that I write is written simply through obedience, and with the greatest repugnance. In regard to all those things which it seems to me that I see and hear every day, I feel the greatest pain; but the command has been given and that comes before everything.
Last night, when I went to pray before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, I heard someone call me,— it seemed to me that it was Jesus. (Padre, before you read any further, I beg you, for charity’s sake, not to believe anything, anything at all: I write only to obey; otherwise, I would not have said a single word about what follows.) He said to me:— “Daughter, write to that Father whom your confessor wishes. Do it because it is My desire.”
“But Jesus,” I replied, “do I understand Thee? Do You wish the Father to know everything that concerns me?”
I was about to continue, but it seemed to me that Jesus (or rather, my own head) would not let me, for He said:— “That is My will from now on.”
When I heard this I was no longer able to speak and Jesus, so it seemed to me, continued:—
“Daughter, blind obedience, perfect obedience, that is the first thing to remember.” He added:— “You must be as a dead body: everything that they would have you do, do it promptly. In these days you shall do nothing without first asking counsel of Me.”
Padre, for charity’s sake, don’t believe a word of all this. In order to write you these things I have to do such violence to myself, but I have wished to obey.
This morning, after Holy Communion, Jesus seemed to let me feel His presence. Padre, what moments! But, after a short time, all was over. I kept repeating to Jesus “My Jesus!” I was not able to express myself very well but Jesus understood.
Bless me and pray very much for Poor Gemma.
II. SALUTARY REFLECTIONS AND PRECIOUS FRUIT DRAWN FROM CONSTANT MEDITATION ON ETERNAL VERITIES.
And now, Padre, listen to my heart! Although Jesus has made me cry, still He always wishes my good and He makes me realize it only too well. Listen to what I am obliged to do when I am with others and they speak of Jesus, or heaven, or any such thing. Sometimes I am obliged to run away and hide; often I have to beg the one who is speaking to change the conversation, otherwise I feel as though I should die. But no, I shall not die yet. Jesus seemed to say to me:— “No, you will not die now.” I will not stop now to tell you more; you already know all about this.
Padre, do you know the latest idea that has come into my head? It is to become a saint at all costs. I made this resolution yesterday evening. During my meditation I was thinking:— one lives only once; it is certain that one shall die; and then one has to answer to God. And I know that this God punishes the wicked with eternal fire.
This malediction, Padre, causes me such fear. For the love of Jesus, send me your Angel to drive away the demon (whom, with the help of our Blessed Mother, I have overcome during the past two days) and beg Jesus to give me the grace to fight victoriously. After my many sins I have learned that Jesus is a real father, full of mercy. How is that? If I, after so many sins, do not know that the goodness of the Heart of Jesus is more than paternal, I must have lost my reason! And what a heart is mine! At last the light has dawned upon my soul; I see how much harm I have done by sin.
Ah! When I see Jesus in tears, it pierces my heart. I realize that I, by my sins, have increased the burden which overwhelmed Him while He prayed in the garden. At that moment Jesus saw all my sins, all my failings, and He saw, also, the place that I should have occupied in hell, if Thy Heart, O Jesus, had not pardoned me.
(The following paragraph was written by Gemma in ecstasy, a thing which often happened when she was writing, speaking, or merely listening to someone else speaking of the things of heaven,— as she herself says at the beginning of this present letter.)
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! No, I will no longer be so sparing of myself, because I wish, with the help of Thy grace, to keep all within me subject to my will. In conclusion, O Jesus, this is my resolution:— I will make reparation to Thee, O Jesus, by treating myself as Thy slave and placing my shoulders beneath Thy cross. . . . O Jesus, my God! . . . I know that he who tries to climb very high slips easily, and falls again into the mud.
Padre, I abandon myself. Bless me at every moment. Poor Gemma.
III. DISGUST WITH THE WORLD: JOY AT BEING DESPISED AND HUMILIATED: LONGING FOR STILL GREATER PERFECTION.
Padre, Padre,— It is always the same Gemma who writes to you. I am still out in the world! But how disgusted I am with it! It is quite right that one should not find happiness upon this earth. If I, through the mercy of God, experience some happy moments, they are when I see myself despised and humiliated. And of these things, to tell you the truth, there is no lack. Jesus increases them for me every day. Oh, how good He is! If only you knew what means He has used in order to humble my pride! Oh, if you but knew how bad I am! Who will ever give me the virtue that I need in order that I may please Jesus? I pray and entreat Jesus to give me in a short time all the helps that I need in order to repair my many miseries, to enlighten my mind, and to let me know the horrible, disgusting state of my soul. And I desire to combine into one all the fervor and love of all holy souls,— or no, better still,— to equal in purity all the angels, and that I may see at last our Mother, Mary most holy.
Bless poor Gemma of Jesus.
IV. SHE HUMBLES HERSELF FOR HAVING FELT SOME REPUGNANCE IN OBEYING.
Padre mio:— May Jesus reward you a thousand times for the great good which your words did to my soul this morning. I am quite resolved to do ever and always the will of my confessor without thinking of what may come of it. If you only knew the great good which your reproof has done me! It is true, every bit of it, what you said to me, and yet there are thoughts which trouble me. . . .
It is high time that I should resolve to do the will of my confessor in the future. Every time that I have undertaken something out of my own head, I have paid dearly for it, but now, no, it must no longer be so. I promise not to complain again and not to cry. I will go where my confessor wishes. But it is now already several days since the sacrifice was made.
Once again I wish to thank you for the reproof that you gave me. Do not have any doubt about it; I will know how to profit by it and I want you yourself to see it.
Bless me and pray to Jesus for Poor Gemma.
V. SHE FEARS BEING IN A STATE OF ILLUSION.
Padre:— I am so afraid for my soul! Padre, I am so frightened lest I be in danger of damnation because yesterday I heard a priest, who had come to see Mamma, tell of a nun who had the stigmata on her hands and feet, head and heart, and who went into ecstasy too, and it was all an illusion. But am I like that, Padre? If I deceive others, I shall go to hell. I wish that you would explain to me just what deceit really is, because I do not wish to deceive anyone. Recommend me to Jesus; I want to be good, sincere, and obedient.
Only the other night there came to me a thought, and then Jesus spoke to me in the depth of my heart:—
“Do you perhaps think that I am incapable of working a miracle either in regard to yourself or in regard to your confessor?”
I do not understand exactly what He meant, Padre. Ask Jesus to explain it to you.
Bless me. I’ll be good. Poor Gemma of Jesus.
VI. SHE GRIEVES OVER HAVING BEEN SUBJECTED TO A PHYSICAL EXAMINATION.
O Padre, how much I had to suffer yesterday! And how much these things displeased Jesus! . . . Jesus was not at all pleased. It was a very great humiliation for me, but I accepted it.
Jesus is in my heart. This morning I could not go to church and Jesus Himself came to me. He asked me whether He were more lovable in consolation or in humiliation. Padre, how much more lovable He is in humiliation! Here I had Him and there I had my Angel, who, from time to time, presented me a large cross to kiss. How much more lovable He is in humiliation! None of these things trouble me for my own sake, but because of Jesus, because He is not pleased with what took place yesterday evening. On the contrary, He is very much displeased.
And now, Padre, you should see how happy I am with Jesus only, how much more He loves me thus humiliated. Aunt is also very much distressed. I obeyed as best I could and have no ill-will toward anyone, not even the probe. I remained silent. I am happy with only Jesus.
Poor Gemma.
(Gemma sometimes makes use of the word “aunt” and sometimes of “mamma” to designate the pious lady who had adopted her as a daughter.)
VII. HAVING LEARNED THAT HER DIRECTOR WAS AT THE TOMB OF ST. GABRIEL, SHE ASKS FOR PRAYERS.
Padre mio:— You are doing all that you can in order that you may know what is the true will of God. Then, listen to this, Padre. On the part of Brother Gabriel you have made so many promises. Please do this. Go to his tomb, where his body is, and command him, in the name of obedience:— “Tell me what I must do with regard to Gemma.” And then, when you come back, you will write to me, won’t you? I will pray as much as I can. Write soon. I will pray very fervently so that Jesus may give you light in my regard, so that you may not be deceived, for charity’s sake . . . my God!
I am Poor Gemma.
(In the biography of Gemma a full account is given of her tender and affectionate devotion to St. Gabriel. It was a devotion fruitful in many good works. At the time that these letters were written Padre Germano was working for the beatification of St. Gabriel.)
VIII. ON ANOTHER OCCASION SHE ONCE MORE URGES AN EMBASSY TO ST. GABRIEL.
By this time I am sure that you have once again had the good fortune to pray at the tomb of Venerable Gabriel. How I envy you! I have a great many things to tell you, to be referred to the Saint. First of all, Padre, place in his hands the important affair of my soul. Ask him if I may hope to save it. Ask him not to permit me to be deceived, and also not to permit my director to be deceived in guiding me as he does at present. Kneel and repeat to him that I have all the good will in the world to save this poor soul of mine, at the cost of any suffering, any sacrifice, or humiliation whatsoever. Tell him that, if I have neglected my soul, please to intercede for me with Jesus. I ought to have acted differently; I ought to have taken greater care of my soul because of Jesus and our Blessed Mother. The hour of repentance ought to have struck long ago for me, were it not that I am so obstinate in my sins. Tell him with all your heart to pray to Jesus not to spare me in the matter of trials. Suffering will uplift me spiritually. By abasing me, it will give me the strength necessary to correspond to the grace of Jesus. Tell him that I am resolved to repair all of my past sins, to be obedient.
Oh Padre, Padre! . . . beseech him and pray to him like this— Ask him to answer these questions: “Gemma! Whatever will become of her? All these things which she seems to see and hear, from where do they come?”
I stop here because you know well what I would like to add. For the sake of charity, it won’t do any harm if you spend a little extra time, even if you have other business. Please stay awhile beside Brother Gabriel. Speak to him of me; of all my affairs. Tell him to send Jesus to me continually and that I am longing to be at the feet of Jesus. Tell him to help me to pray better and beg him to make obedience sweet to me and to obtain for me more patience. Take a little love from Brother Gabriel and send it to me. There are then two things which I recommend especially to you: first my soul, and then all that the future may have in store for me. Padre, I have recommended so many things to you, but you will answer me, won’t you? I pray that you may be granted much enlightenment in my regard. Bless me.
Poor Gemma of Jesus only.
IX. SHE ENJOYS SUCH LIBERTY IN REGARD TO EARTHLY THINGS SHE CANNOT FIND ANY ATTACHMENTS.
Padre mio:— Listen to this. Every time that I am expecting one of your letters I ask Jesus about it and He tells me:— “It is coming.” This last time, as soon as your letter arrived, I went to tell Jesus. “And doesn’t he tell you anything?” He asked. “Oh, yes,” I replied, “he is constantly recommending me to be humble and detached; but then, the blessed Padre!— he never explains what he means. About being humble, that the confessor explains, but as for being detached, I really do not understand because I no longer have anything. I do not know what there is from which I can detach myself. I have only Thee, my Jesus.”
But Jesus,— Padre, do you know what He said?— “That tooth of Ven. Gabriel, tell Me, My daughter, are you not too much attached to that?”
I was silent for a moment and then began to complain. “But Jesus,” I said, almost in tears, “that is a precious relic!”
And Jesus answered rather seriously. “Daughter, it is thy Jesus Who tells thee so, and that should be sufficient for thee.”
Alas, it is true, Padre. Jesus is right. Sr. Maria asked me for it in order to show it to the nuns, and when I had given it to her I cried because I wanted to have it always near me. But Jesus, Jesus, it is to Him that I must be attached! Padre mio! Pray always for Poor Gemma.
(This tooth was a relic of the Saint and had been given to her by Padre Germano himself.)